Kelby Carr

PR people and corporations are just dying to get the attention and love of mommy bloggers. We’re like this mysterious creature they want to observe. Actually, we’re more like the cool chick they sooo want to be friends with, but they are so eager and desperate that it can never be.

There have been various fiascos, such as the Camp Baby Blogstorm. But hey, they say any PR is good PR, right? So if you hope to be the focus of some sweet mommy blog venom, and get all that great blog blasting that really helps a brand, here are some secrets to annoying the crap out of a mommy blogger. Cross your fingers! You just might tick her off enough to get her to blog about you!

1. Send her a press release. In fact, go ahead and just cc her on a blanket release you’re also sending to about 100 other journalists and bloggers. We wouldn’t want the mommy blogger to feel special, would we? We wouldn’t want her to think you actually read her blog (if you simply must send it directly to her, be sure you misspell her name, too). Better yet, just add her to the email list to get all of your firm’s press releases. She won’t mind getting daily press release email blasts that have nothing to do with her blog.
2. Pitch first, read her mommy blog later (or never). Mommy bloggers just love this. It really shows how much you don’t care. See, if you read her blog first you might get an idea of what she writes about, how she writes about it, or even if she has a policy of never doing reviews.
3. Learn nothing about moms or mommy blogging. That way, you can enjoy ignorant bliss and not realize that, for example, it might be an issue to have a mommy blogger event on Mother’s Day (or Easter , or Passover even). Request interviews during busy mom hours like mornings and afternoons (or 9-5 for working moms). Or at least insist interviews be handled by phone, because that’s so convenient for moms.
4. Have childless people handle the pitches. That way you can avoid the PR people having any idea what will offend, annoy or provoke the mommy bloggers. After all, if you have moms or dads handling these things, you would never have all that blog coverage Johnson and Johnson got for telling a new mom she couldn’t bring a baby. Because, after all, a no-baby policy at Camp Baby is impossible to resist blogging about.
5. Treat mommy bloggers like old school journalists. Go ahead, assume they will respect your embargo (or know what an embargo is, since they might not have gone to J-School). I mean, annoy a journalist and the worst that will happen is probably nothing, no coverage. But you could get really lucky if you annoy a mommy blogger, and get her to slam you in her blog (and probably copy and paste your annoying email in its entirety, including linking your email address). She might even tell all her network of mommy blogger friends who will also blog about it. Then they will all tweet, stumble and Digg it.

What’s that? You don’t want the wrath of a mean circle of mommy bloggers? Smart kid. If you want to do it correctly, I highly recommend you consult the great page by Velveteen Mind, Mommyblogging: the Resource. Be sure to scroll down to the section, On Mommyblogging and PR. Then also consult this great post from the Queen of Spain, “ So You Want to Talk to Mommybloggers.”

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It is amazing, in fact astounding, just how intensely painful it is to lose a pet. Today, I stroked the fur of my sweet cat Claudia while her veterinarian euthanized her. This was easily one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. I’m pretty much an ice queen when it comes to emotions, but I’ve been crying off and on all day. I think there’s just something so intimate and raw about the simple love between a human and a pet. It’s not an easy thing to shake.

A decade ago, when my husband and I first started dating, we decided to get out first pet together. I brought a dog and cat into the relationship already. That’s when we met Claudia, who was just a tiny kitten. She had a hard story. She and her litter mates were found abandoned in a Dumpster. If someone hadn’t overheard their mews for help, she wouldn’t have lived 10 weeks much less 10 years.

Claudia was always a bit of a non-cat. When someone knocked on the door, my other cat would flee for cover while Claudia would sprint FOR the door to eagerly and happily greet whatever stranger was on the other side.

She was a cat who actually loved kids, even the small toddler types who grab tails and smack heads. In fact, even yesterday when she was struggling to breathe and lethargic, she went to the kids’ play area. She chose to spend the day before she died surrounded by screaming 2-year-olds and a raucous 5-year-old.

The twins were there when Claudia was put to sleep. I think they knew something was wrong. My son kept saying, “Claw claw.” He calls her that so much that the whole family actually calls Claudia the same thing just because we’ve heard it so much. We told them both to say bye-bye to Claudia when she was put to sleep. My son told Claudia, softly, “night-night,” as we walked away.

My oldest child, my 5-year-old daughter, was the one I was most concerned about. She wasn’t there to say goodbye. She was always very close, even when she was a tiny baby. In fact, her first word was, “Kitty,” and she said it calling Claudia, who used to fawn all over her as a baby.

We picked up my daughter at daycare. She asked if Claudia was still in the car (as she was when we dropped her off, because we were headed to the vet’s office). I said no. I asked my husband if I should tell her now. We decided to get it done with.

I looked to the back of the minivan.

Me: “The doctor said Claudia was very, very, very sick.” In my mind, I knew I needed to say more. But I couldn’t. I just stared at her.

Daughter: She frowns deeply, and just stares back at me while she digests the idea. “Is she coming home when she’s better?”

Me: “No, honey. She’s gone.”

Daughter: “You mean she’s gone forever?”

Me: “Yes. I’m so sorry.”

Daughter: Her face crumbles. “But she’s my favorite kitty.”

Oh, it was just awful. Luckily, just like a kid, she was off on another subject a moment later. But it was still just so sad.

It’s also crossed my mind many times today how our life’s experiences of the past shape how we cope today. When I was just maybe 2 or 3 years old, our cat died. I was very young, but I distinctly remember the conversation with my parents. They told me she went to Heaven. So I asked where this alleged Heaven was, and when we could go visit her there. I couldn’t help thinking about this when deciding how to tell me children their cat was dead.

About a decade ago, a few months before adopting Claudia, I went through almost the exact same experience with my cat who was just 4 at the time. It was just awful, starting with the same symptom (rapid, labored breathing) and ending with most of his organs shutting down, an all-nighter wondering if he would make it, and a $1,000-plus vet bill.

I remember afterwards feeling that people just didn’t understand the difficulty of a pet’s death. It’s like people think, “Why are you so upset? It’s just a cat.” If only it were so simple, or easy. Afterwards, I regretted putting him through so many painful procedures and drawing the whole thing out. It was something in the back of my mind when my husband and I decided to euthanize Claudia, as the doctor felt she had a tumor and there was very little chance she would make it. I didn’t want her to suffer.

Many, many years ago as a gritty cops reporter, I witnessed an inmate’s execution by lethal injection. Today, it was just disturbing how much the process of euthanasia reminded me of that memory.

Honestly, I am not entirely sure why I’m writing this post. Maybe it’s to honor Claudia, or maybe it’s to help me cope with this urge to tear up every time I picture Claudia in my mind. I would like to think it’s a way to help or connect with those who have lost a pet, or will lose a pet.

Did you lose a pet? Feel free to add your pet’s obituary in a comment below. Or I hope in some small way this post helps you understand that it is OK to feel devastated, even if it’s “just a pet.” Because pets are, truly, so much more, and their death is no easy thing to endure.

Claudia update:

Thanks everyone for such kind comments. It really makes it all much easier to know I’m not the only one who got so upset about the death of a pet.

Also, and I find this a bit demented, but here’s a sign of a family of writers. My dad learned about the death of Claudia in his email inbox… when he got the daily feed email from my blog. So then wrote a poem, which he emailed me. This must be a case of modern technology and the interesting ways in which writers cope with bad news. Anyway, here is his very nice ode to Claudia:

Claudia, oh Claudia, what a character you were

You could prance, and prowl and purr

You walked and skipped with a happy face

Needing to keep your keeper in pace

You shunned being apart

Preferring to be in at the start

Which is why you were a marvelous pet

One of the best I’ve seen yet

I also got some amazing and sweet condolences on Twitter.

I posted this:

	typeamom anyone have tips on explaining cat’s death to a 5-year-old and two 2-year-olds? or to a 30-something mom (aka me)? :*( 02:01 PM May 21, 2008 from web

I’m just in awe of the way the simple Twitter interface connects one person sitting on a laptop with so many others. Here are the nice comments, and it’s amazing just how much people can say in 140 characters. For those of you who are/have dealt with the death of a pet and explaining it to a child, there are some great book recommendations:

	FabGirl @ typeamom Awww, saw this earlier and it made me so sad. We lost our PepperCat a few years ago. ON the weekend of my girls’ night out. 09:36 PM May 21, 2008 from web in reply to typeamom
	FoodieTot @ typeamom sorry no advice, just sympathy and best wishes. 02:19 PM May 21, 2008 from TwitterFox in reply to typeamom
	christinalemmey @ typeamom So sorry about your cat! We had a similar experience in March and the Rainbow Bridge poem is great but had me in tears 02:55 PM May 21, 2008 from web in reply to typeamom
	followthatdog @ typeamom there is a Mr. Rogers book called something like “When a pet dies” that we used for our son when our dog died. Very direct & kind 11:41 AM May 21, 2008 from web in reply to typeamom
	summerm @ typeamom Oh how sad. I hope they take their cat’s death OK. 01:32 PM May 21, 2008 from twhirl in reply to typeamom
	ParentopiaDevra @ typeamom Great book on death for kids “Fall of Freddy the leaf” and “Dinosaurs Die” also “10th best thing about barney” good for all ages! 02:18 PM May 21, 2008 from web in reply to typeamom
	busymom6 @ typeamom sorry about your cat, great book called Cat Heaven 01:17 PM May 21, 2008 from web in reply to typeamom
	mpelzsherman @ typeamom I mean, who better to trust with this stuff than Mr. Rogers? 01:08 PM May 21, 2008 from twitterrific in reply to typeamom
	chillnc @ typeamom I’m so sorry to hear that 02:07 PM May 21, 2008 from twhirl in reply to typeamom
	mpelzsherman @ typeamom ouch! that’s a tough one. I’d suggest this book: http://tinyurl.com/y7p3d7 01:07 PM May 21, 2008 from twitterrific in reply to typeamom
	vmarinelli @ typeamom No helpful tips here. Just, I’m so sorry. That can be such a heartbreaker all around. 01:06 PM May 21, 2008 from txt in reply to typeamom
	Owlbert @ typeamom Lots of empathy. Tell them about the Rainbow Bridge - http://www.rainbowbridge.org/ 02:06 PM May 21, 2008 from twhirl in reply to typeamom
	Treece @ typeamom http://www.petloss.com/poem… The Rainbow Bridge always helps me. 01:05 PM May 21, 2008 from web in reply to typeamom
	dawniemom @ typeamom Awww that really sucks. so sorry. I explained it that the kitty had gone to kitty heaven LOL Probably doesn’t help. 02:03 PM May 21, 2008 from web in reply to typeamom

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I sort of laughed/cried to read about some silly nonsense Geek Wars between Wired and Techcrunch in Techcrunch’s post, “ OK, Wired, Let’s Do This!” In essence, Wired (interestingly enough, the Old School journalist in this scenario) has attacked the Techcrunch blog ( new media), which formed a partnership with the Washington Post (so damn old school it is actually fossilizing as I type). This irks Wired, whose writer Betsy Schiffman wrote:

“We’ve got nothing against TechCrunch, but it seems crazy-crazy to us that the Washington Post, a paper known for the sort of reporting that can take down U.S. presidents, is publishing content written by a dude who invests in the companies he writes about. But what do we know.”

First of all, I want to make a point. This is an important one, so do pay close attention. This is tied so closely to why I’m embarassed for journalism that it just isn’t even funny. This is tied to why I left the business after 15 years. This is why, despite loving and adoring the kind of investigative journalism that moves mountains, I gave up on that passion. This is why people don’t even bother reading newspapers anymore.

When was the last time the Post, or any paper for that matter, did anything remotely as significant as take down a U.S. President? Oh, yes. In the 1970s. Thank you.

This is just a case of old school vs. new media in my opinion. For years, journalists have obsessed about being unbiased. It’s been banned, disallowed, the worst thing humanly possible for a journalist to do.

Here’s the problem with that plan. First of all, everyone is biased. Yeah, I said it. You can report and write fairly, but you can’t be a robot. Sorry, guys.

Second of all, and this is the really amusing and interesting part, no one cares! Little did they realize, and blogger popularity now proves, readers don’t care IF you are biased. They just want to know how, full disclosure.

In fact, the popularity of bloggers simply proves people like bias, they want bias. They want to find people with the same bias, because they believe them more. They want to find people with the opposite bias so they can get really mad and leave nasty comments.

They want humans, not journalists. So even though this is an insignificant spat between two sources of news, it speaks volumes of a larger issue that old school journalism just isn’t facing. We don’t care if you’re biased. So what? We’re biased, you’re biased.

Just use full disclosure, don’t be sneaky, and write fairly. Be upfront. And for crying out loud, don’t be afraid to write boldly, without censure and without falling to the whims of advertisers, government officials.

We don’t really care if your journalist is a liberal or conservative (well, I don’t), as long as they say so. I care a lot more whether you’re axing stories because the newspaper’s publisher is buddies with the mayor, or an advertiser squawks about an unflattering biz story. I care when bias stops real stories from being told, no matter who’s telling it.

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I’ve always wanted to be a good baker. I’ve always liked the idea of fresh-baked bread, from baguettes to croissants to sourdough for sandwiches. Then there’s the reality. I make bread, and it never turns out quite right. But for my Sustainable Kitchen Project, I’m determined to get to the point where we can just use bread I bake instead of store-bought. Is it realistic? Who knows.

I read this article on Baking vs. Cooking by a Foodie Mama writer, and realized something. I’m bad at baking for the same reason I’m bad at gardening (which, incidentally, is going pretty well with my organic vegetable garden!). It requires patience, and precision. Not really my thing. But I am trying to improve.

This weekend, I made two loaves of bread from scratch. Both turned out less than perfect, but they did still taste good. I will keep practicing, and I think I may have even figured out what I did wrong.

The nice thing about baking your own bread is it doesn’t require expensive equipment or even expensive ingredients. I first made a banana bread with chocolate chips. The reason? I discovered three forgotten (and very overripe) bananas on top of the refrigerator. I hated to just toss them in the trash.

On Mother’s Day, my daughter and I made it into a pretty amazing bread. I will declare it a success, but I think I used too much banana. The recipe called for 2-3 bananas. I used 3, but they were very large. The bread was a bit overmoist, and fell apart very easily. Still, it tasted amazing.

Cocky on my first semi-success in baking, I decided to take the next step that evening. I decided to make real white bread. With yeast. This is typically where things go wrong. My bread always ends up really dense. This time, though, I think I’ve figured out why.

My bread cookbook encouraged me to use fresh yeast or, as a second choice, instant yeast. I had active dry yeast, and I’m guessing it doesn’t rise as well. I also read for the first time ever that salt kills yeast. Hello? Isn’t that noteworthy? I have never read that in a bread recipe before. And it still wasn’t clear to me why I was still adding salt, or how to do it properly.

Anyway, I waited until last to add the salt, but I could even see the change in the dough immediately around the salt granules. So how do you add salt to bread dough? I don’t get it.

In the end, the bread tasted good but it is definitely too heavy and dense. I want light and fluffy. Are any of you skilled bread bakers? What did I do wrong? Tips? I will not let a simple loaf of bread beat me.

Here are some pictures of the two breads being created, and the end results:

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This post is completely about giving some link love and exposure to a great, awesome, wonderful site for women. If you are a woman and write about stuff of interest to women, there’s no question. Kirtsy is the place to socially bookmark it, or to even just find the hottest news and blog posts of interest to women.

Thanks to the not very lady-like Skirt Magazine (want the real scoop? I couldn’t possibly reveal all better than the Bloggess does!), the kick ass web site formerly known as sk*rt is giving a kirtsy. We should all do the fine lady the honor of saying hello.

So stop by and check out Kirtsy. Better yet, help spread the word. Best part? You can win some very cool prizes!

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I just thought I would spread around some link love to the many great mommy bloggers out there. Here are some nice fresh posts on Mother’s Day:

• Happy Mother’s Day
• Early Celebration and Mother’s Day Tunes
• Mother’s Day: Holiday or Hype
• A Mother’s Role is Timeless
• From Post Secret: The Power of a Mother
• Celebrate Mother’s Day with a Mommyfest Blog Party

Did you post about Mother’s Day today? If I missed it, comment below with a link to your m-day post. Happy Mother’s Day.

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It’s Mother’s Day, and I’m happy. I got to sleep in (first time since, like 2003, I think). I came downstairs to find three children making me construction-paper-and-crayon Mother’s Day cards. Life is good.

I love that I finally get to spend more time with my children (in December I switched from long-time hardcore workaholic career mom to working at home all but one day a week). But the road there has lasted since I was pregnant with my daughter (and she’s 5). We did spend a year in France with my daughter, but to do that we sold our house and lived off our equity.

The rest of the time, I’ve worked full-time by day, raised children, busted my ass after bedtimes and before waking times freelancing. I’ve been doing a job (writing) for years that absolutely did not require my presence in an office, and absolutely could have been done from home. I’ve got plenty of experience to qualify me to do this job (more than 15 years). But no employer has allowed it (especially being that I was in the paranoid and twitchy newspaper business until 2006).

It took all of that time, all those years, all those late late nights, to hit a critical mass of freelance work and work at home clients that I could stay at home.

Ridiculous.

Sadly, when it finally happened, I was in a day job I finally loved. But the fact still remained: it was physically away from my children.

It’s exactly the reason, it’s the entire motivation and purpose, behind my creating Type-A Mom. I wanted to create one option, as unimportant as that might be, where moms who want to work at home (and who deserve to have the best of both worlds) actually can. The site is still young, just a year old, and it’s still building, but that is my dream.

So here is my Mother’s Day wish. Companies will finally get it. Companies will make it not only allowable for moms to work at home (and dads, too!), but encouraged. Sure, there are many positions in which you physically need to be there. In many, many jobs you don’t. At all.

So why are companies still requiring that moms be there, despite studies and anecdotal evidence that moms not only can accomplish work at home, but that those who work at home are, in fact, often times more productive? Just so they can get that warm and fuzzy feeling one gets from hovering over an employee?

So companies, how about it? Treat your moms right. Make our lives easier. Let us work from home.

Shoot, it’s not like you need to be selfless and take a hit for doing so. COMPANIES benefit from letting parents work from home. You need less space, no insignificant factor considering the cost of real estate. You need less equipment. It benefits the environment, as there are fewer people commuting. It’s quite simply a win-win.

And what of your big fear? That moms will just “work” at home, but really goof off. Well, fire them. Just like you would fire someone who goofs off and gets nothing done in the office. Not too complicated.

To hell with the Mommy Wars. Make it so any mom, all moms, don’t have to choose between work and home. We can do both, and we should be able to do both.

Do you know of a company that is amazingly family-friendly and allows moms to job share, work from home, telecommute, or generally be devoted to kids and work? Comment below so they get some recognition, and so moms know where to apply.

Photo of working mom by Piotr Bizior.

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Buying local food is actually a big part of my Sustainable Kitchen Project, even if it isn’t entirely related to a self-sustaining kitchen. Still, buying produce and food products from my neighbors instead of those that traveled 1,500 miles is, I believe, is in the spirit of my project.

When we lived in Nice, France, we shopped at a local market almost every day. In fact, we didn’t even own a car there. That meant the most we could ever buy is what we could carry (and not much since we had a 1-year-old with us). We would usually hit the big Cours Selaya Flower Market and buy just enough produce to last a couple days.

We couldn’t even do the big, mondo, semi-ridiculous grocery store expedition where you load up on a month’s supply of things that are frozen, boxed, canned, jarred and came from the other side of the globe.

We also always had the best local food, because in France it was so easy to do so. Want bread? Go to the bakery around the corner. Sweet tooth? Hit a local pastry shop or chocolaterie. Meat comes from the local butcher, and cheese from one of the amazing, divine corner cheese shops.

So this morning wasn’t quite at that level, of course. I’m not in France anymore. But I am in Asheville, and food was a major reason I wanted to move here (a.k.a. Foodtopia) when we returned from France and found ourselves unhappy in Northwest Indiana near Chicago (too flat, and way too cold).

We went to the new Asheville City Market. It’s kind of interesting they even need another market (we have like 45 in the region), but it actually is the only one conveniently located downtown. And it seems to have attracted many vendors. There was a mix of produce, plants, cheeses, meats, local trout, fresh baked breads and pastries, and local-made jams and jellies. In a word, it’s divine. And it was a little like being back in the South of France.

And it’s another check off of my Sustainable Kitchen Project although this, like everything on the list, is something I want to do regularly (at least weekly). We’ll see if I can stick to that.

We made some great purchases, and I spent about $50. I got some grass-fed pastured lamb and pork from Hickory Nut Gap Farm, and some unbelievably delicious goat cheese from Spinning Spider Creamery (the hardest decision of the day, as I wanted pretty much every variety she had). In fact, I’m nibbling on crackers topped with the Provence Chevre right now as I type.

We got some local lettuce (a cool and interesting speckled Romaine variety), plump asparagus, and apple butter.

The kids had a wonderful time and, in an almost unheard-of first, not a one had a melt-down. For morning snack, my husband, oldest daughter and I had chocolate croissants from a local baker, and the twins enjoyed these adorable star-shaped mini croissants filled with rhubarb and goat cheese.

Here are some pictures, including close-ups of my mouth-watering local food purchases: