A close friend of mine just sent me a link to this People story,
Angelina: Breast Feeding Twins is ‘Very Hard.’
Here is an excerpt from the People post:
“It’s very hard,” the actress confessed on Britain’s morning show GMTV. “I stopped at three months, [it was] about as much as I could do.”
I would write something really eloquent and deep, but I ranted in my email to my friend. I figured I would just paste it right here:
I am really irritated. This makes me so mad. How many poor moms will give up because they figure if the super celebrity mom couldn’t do it, how could they. This pisses me off just as much as EVERY nurse and doctor in the NICU telling me how hard breastfeeding twins is (they were referring to supply, which is completely bogus because supply meets demand and I had TONS of milk before returning to work anyway).
Her main complaint seems to be positioning, which I found actually pretty easy. Setting them was hard (I needed help from someone at first because getting both positioned was hard since you had to do one baby one-handed at first). She should really (1) try harder or (2) learn more about it or (3) keep her problems to herself.
While it is good for mom to know sometimes it doesn’t work out, I don’t believe three months of trying breastfeeding is enough for a public figure who surely has tons of help with everything. Did she call LLL? Did she have a post-partum doula help?
So that was my email rant on the subject. I didn’t edit it for public consumption here because I wanted you to see my email as it was sent. I know sometimes a mom does need to stop beating herself up with guilt about failure to breastfeed, but certainly we should all encourage moms to try and to seek out support.
And I am here to tell you, you certainly can breastfeed twins. It was probably one of the more fascinating stages of my life to nurse two babies at once. If you do have trouble with something as easy to remedy as positioning help, please seek out assistance from an experienced twin mom, a lactation consultant, a friend, La Leche League before you give up. And if you do that first and still find breastfeeding twins isn’t for you, then at least you will know you have tried.
EDITED TO ADD: I know some of you think I am picking on Angelina Jolie for not finding success breastfeeding twins. I don’t criticize her for giving up. I criticize her for giving up for a BAD reason and when she has so many resources available. I criticize her for not mentioning resources. Most of all, though, it angers me that she is perpetuating a myth that twins can’t be breastfed… and believe me, it is a VERY common myth. I heard it all the time, and even today people on Twitter who are positive are saying how they think it’s so amazing I BF twins. Like it’s a big triumph. I think it should be COMMONPLACE. I know I was determined because of the issues with my first child and in a way it was like my chance to make up for it… but I also know that it never entered my mind twins would be harder initially. Maybe it’s because I knew a friend of mine who did very well with twins, so I had a good example. That always gave me hope. So perhaps THAT is truly my point. We need good examples to inspire us, not bad examples to give us a reason to give up. Then, even if we do give up, at least we will have tried first.
Photo of breastfeeding infant, © Marek Bernat.
Tags: angelina jolie, breastfeeding, breastfeeding twins, celebrities, parenting, twins
I am a writer/blogger, SEO diva, foodie, social network maven/creator, travel junkie and former investigative newspaper reporter turned new media mom. I was named one of the 50 Most Influential and Powerful Women in Social Media. Find out more about me, about what people say about my work, or hire me for SEO, content, blog or social campaign services.
I totally agree! (I was also pissed off at J-Lo when she made a comment that breast feeding wasn’t such a big deal and she didn’t feel the need to try it).
I worked my ass off to breast feed for as long as possible. I did everything possible to increase my production. Even with all of the problems I had maintaining enough milk, I managed 6 months (and that was the LEAST amount of time!).
It’s unfortunate that when things get a little complicated so many high profile people would rather throw in the towel than try to persevere.
DisgruntledMoms last blog post..Scream Free Parenting Works. For Some People. Apparently.
I so agree!! I really think ANY celeb who has nursing problems should just keep quiet about it. Heck, they can afford nannies, they can afford a lactation consultant, KWIM?
Course, I LOVE it when celeb’s like Selma Hayek says she’s still nursing at 13 months, WOOT!!
Spookygirls last blog post..Have you seen the giveaways at 5 Minutes for Moms?
Interesting point, however, my husband is a twin and his mom stopped at 3 months. That was 30 years ago, but she was dying. She had major back pain and her babies were not on the same schedule so she was getting absolutely no sleep. Basically they were going to visit family for the holidays and her husband said, you either have to stop nursing or we’re not going because you will be miserable. She would have been stuck in a back room nursing the entire time (because you know it wasn’t acceptable to nurse in public back then!) She says she doesn’t regret it at all and hey, I think my hubby’s pretty great!
All that to say, just because she’s a “super mom” don’t judge her too harshly. She’s not you and her life may be harder than you think!
Kristas last blog post..Yellowstone Part 5: A REALLY Long Day
While I wouldn’t judge Angelina Jolie for not nursing beyond 4 months (seems fairly common amongst the twin moms I know), she probably should have encouraged moms to continue beyond that. At the same time, as a mom who found it incredibly difficult to breastfeed my twins, I find reassurance in knowing that even a super star celebrity couldn’t do it all.
I did everything I could: took the classes, met with lactation consultants, joined a multiples club, read Mothering Multiples, lurked on Pump Moms, lurked on APMultiples, downed the fenugreek, rented the professional grade pump and of course, nursed my babies. Still, I never had an abundance of milk. I ended up doing a combo of nursing/pumping/formula for two years.
I am so glad I joined a multiples club. There were always formula moms amongst us and no one judged. I think if I had been amongst singleton moms whose milk gushed in from the get-go, I’d have felt my self-esteem plummet.
You were very fortunate to have been successful at nursing your babies. I so wanted to be like that, but it just didn’t happen.
svtwinmoms last blog post..Staying sane with schedules at the October New & Expectant Parent Meeting
Thanks for the comments. I certainly agree that breastfeeding, twins or singletons, can be challenging. But to give up at three months because of a positioning problem when you have such resources at your disposal is something she should just keep to herself. It wasn’t a supply issue or a lack of support issue. It didn’t sound to me like she tried awfully hard. Shoot, I thought positioning once I got the knack of it was one of the easier things about nursing twins. I was able to figure THAT out on my own. So you can’t tell me someone couldn’t show a celebrity mom how to hold her twins, for crying out loud.
I also should add that I more than sympathize with moms who couldn’t find success. With my first, the NICU bullied me out of nursing for the first week. No one told me to pump until a few days after her birth. So my milk never fully came in. I could never pump more than an ounce at a time (and that was on a good day). I had to supplement from day one, and supplement heavily. I was just getting killed with the guilt over it, and the anger at the hospital. Then my daughter’s pediatrician said something that helped me sooo much. She said every ounce of breastmilk I can give her is certainly a good thing, and that the formula I used couldn’t take that away from me. Well, that alone made it so this overwhelming guilt lifted off of me. Iwas able to nurse my daughter for more than 6 months, even if it was only a small amount and more of a bonding thing than anything.
So I guess my point is that moms, particularly moms who many other women look up to or pay attention to, should set a much better example. I don’t have any issue with a mom who can’t breastfeed one or 10 babies. I do have issues with a mom who brushes it off so easily and so publicly, and gives other moms the idea that it isn’t doable.
I think saying “shame on you” to any mom who has stopped breast feeding kind of defeats the purpose. It’s such a personal choice. I am a huge BF advocate, still nursing my 22-month-old, and I’d love to see everyone nursing, but I can’t knock anyone’s personal choice on the matter, even if they are famous and rich. You know?
Gretas last blog post..Hillary for Sec. of State?
There is a ton of guilt associated w/ this topic - to BF or not. Or for how long. I’ve never had twins, so I have no idea what BFing twins is like. I will say I BFed both of my sons for 14 months. But w/ my first, those first few weeks of it were HELL. So painful, I had no idea it could be that hard. But I got through it, my nipples learned to deal, and it was much easier after that. As a mom, I feel like she has every right to say it was hard. I feel like not everyone can make it as long as it is recommended. If she were my friend, I would probably say “Hey, nice job doing it for 3 months!” But the tricky part is that she is a celeb and folks look to her as an example of parenting. So I am torn here and wish she had been a little more positive about it. And I wish she would have tried to say something about how important BFing is - or to seek support when it gets that hard. But maybe she was just talking like a parent, not as a poster mom for the topic. Because I do think its harder for some than others and we moms all do the best we can. Just my 2cs. And important topic!
Carolines last blog post..What Do I Get My Kids for Christmas?
I definitely don’t have a problem with someone deciding against breastfeeding, but I don’t approve of taking a cavalier attitude about it or making it sound like it can’t be done. It is especially important, many times, for mom twins to breastfeed. Twins are often premature and even more in need of breastmilk. Beyond that, she should qualify it with some sort of statement such as saying that she sought out help or that other moms can seek out help if they have trouble. Beyond all of that, though, just saying she couldn’t position them so she didn’t do it is what REALLY gets me. With moms facing REAL challenges to breastfeeding, that is just insulting. A positioning problem is easy to fix, and certainly extremely easy for someone who can pay nannies and lactation consultants and doulas.
Also, it kind of stopped being a personal choice when she made it so public. Then it became a choice that can and will influence other moms. She made it everyone’s business when she did that.
Kelby,
I completely agree with you. I still think of breastfeeding as my proudest accomplishment. So many moms give up because they’re getting bad information–from doctors and nurses, from celebrities, from other parents. I find it hard to believe that Angelina Jolie stopped breastfeeding simply because she couldn’t work out the positioning! I doubt that’s the whole story, and by making it seem like it’s the whole story, she might lead other moms to give up before they’re ready.
I breastfed my twins too, but is WAS hard. I DID have to supplement. I’m not a huge Jolie fan or anything, but she does have like five other kids or something. I know she probably has an equal number of nannies, but I don’t think three months is that bad.
Think back to what it was like your first three months with twins. I was dying. I was hallucinating from lack of sleep.
I understand your point, but I think you are being hypercritical of a woman who tried.
Sarah, Goon Squad Sarahs last blog post..Add This to the Growing List of Things I Never Thought I Would Have to Say
I am definitely not forgetting how hard it was. I was giving breast milk for three weeks to a twin I couldn’t even pick up or nurse, and pumping my ASS off while idiotic NICU staff and doctors kept saying twins are too hard to breastfeed and I should give up. So please don’t assume that I have forgotten the challenges. My first spent Christmas in the NICU while I was being bullied out of nursing, and told that the sooner she could take X ounces of FORMULA, the sooner she would get out of the NICU and maybe, just maybe, we would get to take our 8-pound NICU baby with no health issues home for Christmas. But we didn’t.
Again, I do NOT criticize Angelina for giving up after three months. I criticize her for further perpetuating the myth that twins can’t be breastfed. They absolutely can be breastfed, and the challenges aren’t any different for two than for one. Shoot, you could argue they are easier for some since nursing twins can lead you to have plentiful milk supply with two nursing instead of one.
Again, I would criticize no one for deciding breastfeeding didn’t work. But I do for deciding to give up because of a small challenge of positioning that is quite easily remedied. That sends a pretty strong message to all the twin moms who are trying that maybe it is just too hard to attempt it. Why didn’t she talk instead about the resources? Why didn’t she SEEK OUT any resources for her positioning issues? My husband helped me position my twins until I got the hang of it. I didn’t have nannies or consultants or a staff.
Hey Kelby-
I have to disagree with you on this one. The People article was quite short and she did state how she tried different ways. It’s not obvious that she didn’t seek our resources. I am sure she did.
We don’t know if the positioning was the reason why she stopped or any other reason.
It’s tough life to be a celebrity. I gave up breastfeeding at 2 weeks because of post-partum depression (not baby blues, but serious ppd) I was advised to not even try to breastfeed my second because of the several APD(ante-partum depression) I developed during my pregnancy. If I were in the public eye, I am not sure I would be so open to exposing my (self-perceived) weaknesses.
We don’t know why she gave up. Positioning is a pretty simple answer and as one mom to another, I think it’s okay to let a mom make that decision, Even if it was something that others could work out.
Spacemoms last blog post..Who needs two lungs anyway?
You mommies are harsh! It IS hard to BF twins! Also, BF is NOT for everyone. I would venture to guess that anyone who uses these celebs’ advice on parenting as a rule, may experience much worse consequences with many OTHER decisions rather than the effects of lack-of-breastmilk after 3months! I BF my twins for 10.5 mos. but I did have to supplement with formula esp when I went back to work FT. It is everyone’s personal choice on how long to BF and NOONE should be judged on their decision, no matter the reason. The positioning reason may have been the easiest answer, but it is really her business and her decision.
Ouch. I saw this post’s title on my BlogHer Ads thingy and felt the urge to click on over.
I have to agree with my 2peas on this one. I think it’s sad that us moms are so harsh with each other. Whether a mom is a celebrity or not, whether she’s in the public eye or not, she has the right and in fact the responsibility to choose what is best for her family. And yes, I agree wholeheartedly that breast is best, but I also endorse the idea that a good mum is a sane mum.
Good for Angelina for not being ashamed to admit it was hard. And if she didn’t think to list all the resources out there then hey, good for her for being a human being as well as a celebrity.
Kimberlys last blog post..The World Revolves Around Me
I am SO glad to have stumbled across you. I have missed reading your stuff and talking with you.
As for the breastfeeding twins, yes, it is hard, but I did it! TWICE!!!!
I pumped for my girls for 9 months since they barely latched. That was a pain, but I did it anyway and stuck to it! I wouldn’t have had it any other way.
I breastfed my greedy boys for over 16 months! No latching problems there.
I think for sure way to harsh, although the article was very well written, enjoyed reading it, but totally have to disagree.
Vanessas last blog post..Sunday: Entertainment–Keeping the Kids Entertained at Dinner
It is important to allow each person to make the choices that are best for them and their families. I breastfed all 7 of our children and my mother related an opinion of another young mother that when you have two it is just too hard to nurse a second! LOL Everyone has their own opinion. With that said there is a young mom in our church who is breastfeeding her quadruplets and has been for 5 months now. She has a good pump & there is bottle feeding involved, and loving help from friends. Just goes to show it is possible!
Janis Millers last blog post..JanisMiller: @jggube hope it doesn’t keep you from your work ;o) Enjoying the good info in your tweets and on Six Revisions. Thank you for sharing
I agree … I don’t have twins, but when I struggled with breastfeeding Levi for those first few weeks, I looked for every excuse to give it up. We’re going on 4 months of him still exclusively breast fed. Women who want to EBF their babies and feel frustrated and helpless need to hear breastfeeding celeb mums speak positively about their experience … I’m glad I stuck it out!!!
Lenas last blog post..Father & son bonding time
I understand all the feelings expressed here. I think we all need to understand that we each bring to the topic our own experience and judgements. What’s right for one mom is not necessarily right for all.
Sure, Angelina Jolie has a lot of resources, but she also has more demands on her time than we do on ours. (I, for one, have never been asked to star in a movie. Imagine that.)
Her “job” may have required she give up breastfeeding earlier than some of us would do; who knows if what she gave as her reasons had anything to do with reality. It wouldn’t go along with the earth mother image she has so carefully crafted to admit she gave up breastfeeding because she needed to get back on the movie set. We have no way of knowing the truth, so it’s pretty useless to speculate.
I dislike Angelina Jolie’s endlessly documented choices for a thousand reasons. Her affair with a married man and the fact that she “acquires” children like new toys are not the least of them. But people stop breastfeeding for a myriad of reasons, and it really is not for us to judge them. I agree it’s too bad her reasons send a bad message for other mothers of twins.
I think it’s monumentally sad, though, that anyone would look to this woman for parenting advice of any kind in the first place.
Her twins not being breastfed for longer than two months is not going to be these kids’ biggest problem.
Kelby - this is a fantastic post. I kind of have twins - they’re 7 months apart and I nursed them both…it was challenging but amazing. We kept it up for 2.5 years!
I love that you tell her to just be quiet as one of the options. If you’re going to be famous you need to understand your affect on people. She went right from not breastfeeding to feeding her kids crap. If I see one more of those Jolie-Pitt kids with their millions of dollars walking around with cheetos and cotton candy - I’m going to scream.
They’re humanitarian and green, but they don’t see the connection with industrialized, processed, GMO’d food?
Infuriating. Give me 15 minutes with that woman, I’ll turn her around.
Julie Roadss last blog post..Can you take a look at this for me?