I just spoke on a panel about this recently, Mom Bloggers: How to Get Paid Cash, Not Swag at Blog World Expo. During that panel, I had a real moment of clarity. We keep talking about money and bloggers in black and white terms. In reality, the issue is that the companies and firms doing outreach to bloggers in many cases are AVOIDING money. It is a last resort, when it should be the default. First and foremost, cash should be on the table. Alternatives to that should be just that, alternatives and not the status quo.

Of course, there are occasions when it makes sense for a blogger to promote a company as part of a trade (maybe they need the services, and offer an advertisement paid for in-kind). Maybe it is at some point worthwhile to do it for a link (perhaps you are a new blogger and it would be a big benefit to get exposure and an SEO boost through a link on an established company’s site, although a link from a company’s new microsite probably has little value). Perhaps you really need a product (say your stove just died, you’re broke, you need to feed the family, and a company just offered you a shiny new stove in exchange for a badge on your blog).

There are also situations where it makes no sense for money to change hands. For example, getting paid by the company representing the product to do a review of said product is not ethical. Money should not change hands there.

In most other cases, money is what should be offered as a standard practice: for promotions, for badges (a euphemism for advertising) or any other banner advertisements, for being a brand spokesperson or evangelist, for consulting and offering advice, and so on. Promoting a company should be a paid position.

I know I am not the first to write about this (shoot, this isn’t the first I have written about it), and I sure won’t be the last. I hear this message repeated again and again during conference sessions. And yet, the message doesn’t seem to be getting through.

Paying money for a blogger’s promotion should be standard. Sure, a newer blogger with less of a following should get paid less than a savvy, influential and experienced blogger. But there should be pay involved.

Some will argue that it is earned media. I would beg to differ. A review is earned media. Beyond that, there is very little reason for many bloggers to simply write about a company for the sake of writing about a company. Sure, there are exceptions. This really isn’t terribly different than traditional media. You don’t see article after article in newspapers about companies and products. You see news. Oh, and ads, of course.

It also isn’t for lack of money. The money is there, but it isn’t filtering to the bloggers in many cases. What I see trickling down a lot is a possible chance at a prize, or payment in small-denomination gift cards, or a link in exchange for a blogger doing quite a bit or promotion and work.

Bloggers: when these opportunities come along, don’t be afraid to politely share your rates and explain why you charge for your time and hard work. We should keep pushing that message.

Of course, there are times when money doesn’t need to be on the table. What troubles me is that money is so rarely on the table. It is the huge elephant in the room that everyone pretends isn’t there.

The last I checked, we are not on a barter system. Sure, in everyday life, you might be able to convince a business to do something for free, for trade or for exposure. Odds are pretty good that will be a rarity. What is typical is to pay money for services, products, advertising, promotion and consulting. In cash.

Photo copyright Kriss Szkurlatowski

Jerry Maguire is on TV right now, and I realized what it’s all about is pretty simplified. Are you after coin or “quan,” which Rod Tidwell describes as “love, respect, community and money?” Personally, I think we’re all better served if we strive for quan.

The Positives of Competition

Don’t get me wrong, I can be competitive. There are some great aspects to competition. It drives us to be better. It pushes us to keep improving, to be creative.

Newspapers are a great example of competition, and how it is needed. Ten years ago, most major markets had more than one newspaper. Most newspapers where I worked  as a reporter had at least one other newspaper covering the same area. We were better reporters for it, and served readers better because of it. Today, there are few markets with more than one newspaper, and I think we’ve seen how the quality and the fight to put readers first has suffered.

When you see competition, it’s all in the attitude. Do you see it as a threat? Or do you see it as a chance to collaborate with someone who has a similar audience? Or, better yet, do you see it as a chance to evaluate what you’re doing and find a way to stand out?

You Can’t Really Compete Anyway

There are millions of blogs out there. More importantly, no one visits just one web site. Think of car dealerships. Why do they cluster together, Ford next to Chevy next to Toyota? They are competitors, right? It’s because they know that people are more likely to go to their dealership if they are close to another dealership.

Are you an island, or part of a community?

You will never be the only one in a niche, or the only one writing about a certain topic, the only one pitching a particular company or the only one offering a particular social media service. It’s impossible. So why waste energy worrying about all the others? I believe this is a self-esteem issue. If someone’s lack of self-esteem will push them to bring others down to elevate themselves, then they have issues that go far beyond the success or lack of success of their endeavors.

Yet it taints the whole community.

The Negatives of Competition

The negatives are pretty significant. For those who have a nasty, competitive attitude, I just can’t imagine they are very happy. For those who end up on the butt end of the nastiness, it can be extremely damaging.

As we are trying to gain more respect for blogging and social media, this vile behavior poisons the entire community. It makes us all look bad. When someone attacks another blogger out of spite or jealousy, that is what the mainstream media writes about (as you may have noticed). If we want respect, we need to deserve it.

Here’s a warning, too, for those of you who are attacking those you see as competition. You might get small gains, and you might win brief battles. You won’t build success on it, and you certainly won’t win what you seem to think is a war. This is social media. People talk. We quickly learn who to avoid, and who isn’t supportive. I just say this: I hope you don’t one day need the community’s support.

That Said, Be Respectful

Where is the line between helping and providing trade secrets? It isn’t always clear where that lies. I would say let’s take it upon ourselves to not put people in awkward positions. I am more than happy to help someone spread the word, or offer a few tips. I have seen and heard of many instances, however, where people seek help that goes beyond the bounds of courtesy even within the community.

I don’t profess to know where that magic line is, but I would say that you shouldn’t ask someone to tell you the ins and outs of how they run their blog or their business. If you need to ask to “pick their brain” or ask for what comes down to trade secrets, you’re asking too much. Be respectful. If you don’t know how to do it, take the time to learn and research it. We don’t like it when companies ask to pick our brains for free, so let’s not ask our fellow bloggers to do the same thing for us.

I would also say to try to be as original as it’s possible to be. Copying someone else is not the way to find success or that amazing sense of creating something that is brilliant. The real secret to success is not looking to what exists, but looking to what should exist and doesn’t yet. Yes, people might get too competitive about new blogs or social media services they see that mimics what they are doing. See above for why I think that is unnecessary. But the reality is that if you are being original, you’ll be stepping on no one’s toes to begin with and you won’t trigger the nasty competitiveness in others.

It’s tough to come up with a new idea, but it isn’t hard to come up with a new spin on an old theme at the very least. Be different. Be innovative. Be creative. Be new.

The Pie is Big Enough for Us All

I can’t help but wonder if people are competitive because they believe the rewards are limited, that there is a maximum amount of success available. That simply isn’t true. There is enough pie for all of us to get a piece, and there’s no need for us to guard our piece viciously, growling at anyone who comes near it.

We all have something of value to offer. Figure out what that is for you, and emphasize it. Your competition should be your own goals, your own mission, your own values, and what you hope to accomplish. All you can do is try, work hard, and be the best you can be.

You cannot control what successes others find, and you shouldn’t want to. Be happy when others find success. Sure, you can have that blinking moment of jealousy, but let it roll right over you and smile. Know that if another blogger’s found it, that simply means you can to.

There is no grand prize winner in this contest.

Just Ignore the Haters

I know it’s tough when someone comes after you, your blog or your business. I’ve found the best thing you can do is be above it. Don’t change who you are because of it. Don’t lower yourself to their behavior. In fact, don’t assume that everything you hear is correct. You might be surprised that, if you reach out to the attacker, you might learn there is more to the story than you realized or heard. You might find you both find more success by working together.

Even if that isn’t the case, if we all ignore the attackers and haters, we weaken them even more. Let’s not give them power by engaging them.

This is What It’s Really About: Community

Before I wrote this post, I asked on Twitter and Facebook for some input. The responses I got, and the conversation it sparked (35 comments so far on my Facebook wall, for example), simply goes to further prove my point that community is the core of all of this. Here are some brilliant gems I got from a simple question asking people what they think of this topic. Here are some of the highlights.

From Amy Clark of Mom Advice:

It is so important to build each other up and not tear each other down. I will admit, I have swallowed a little jealousy a time or two. It is sometimes difficult to see others achieve what you have been dreaming of- the invites, the goodies, the money, the page views, the redesigns, the book deals, the news segments, the magazine features, etc. What I do my best to remember is that I can only be the best me that I can be. I will work harder, compliment others more, recommend my friends for jobs, tip my friends when I see a perfect press request for them, share the linky love, and remember that all the good that I can do will come back tenfold. If it happens to me I will do my best to be gracious, focus on the real purpose of the achievement, and do my best to give whatever I can to my readers. For six years it has been working so I will keep with that formula.

From Christine Koh of Boston Mamas:

Kelby, this issue makes me very sad for reasons shared above, e.g., missing the point that social media is about collaboration and community. What also mystifies me is how pointless the behavior is. It’s not as if being nasty and competitive is going to make other bloggers disappear. One might “get ahead” in an instance here or there, but ultimately it will be an ephemeral effect. And of course, given my belief in karma, I’m fairly certain that kind of behavior will circle back and bite the offender on the rump.

From Katja Presnal of Skimbaco Lifestyle:

Can’t wait to read it Kelby. You know I believe in blogging karma, and while I evangelize about the good karma, I do believe there is such a thing as bad blogging karma as well. The essence of social media is to be social, and be part of community – I don’t think there is long term success without helping others. I understand being competitive when there is a competition, but if you are competitive when you are trying to build a community, there is no way you can win, you will lose big time.

From Trisha Haas of MomDot:

I want to help people, be helped, and connect. That’s it. I do not care if someone has a stupid product on their site or if they have 1000 more visitors than I do, or if they got called to be on TV. I am inspired by those things, not threatened. I hope that people don’t look at the few things I would call {personal} success online and breed any jealousy.

From Audrey McClelland of Mom Generations:

I think it’s fairly safe to say a vast majority of us have witnessed this first-hand. It’s sad because the social media space is so vast and wide. There’s no reason not to help others. The only reason people don’t is because they’re threatened. I’ve always believed this philosophy in life… “what goes around, comes around.” … It’s no coincidence that some of the most successful people in this world – both online and off – have been described as some of the nicest and most kind. It’s a shame some people think pushing people will actually get them ahead… it’s a strange concept.

What do you think? Is there a place for competition in social media? What is or isn’t appropriate? Do you avoid people you know have had a nasty competitive attitude with others?

Photo of racers, © Richard McMillan

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Friday day-time will be devoted to Type-A Mom Business, and then in the afternoon we will feature the speed dating and reception. Saturday will feature break-out sessions for the following tracks: passions, practicalities, dads and tribes, followed in the evening by a cocktail reception. Sunday will open with the Mom Market, followed by a general session, the popular Blogger Town Hall Meeting, the keynote, and possibly an evening activity of some sort.

The Super Early Bird rate is available now, but the time is limited and the number of tickets available at this price is limited as well.

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Photos of Type-A Mom Blogger Town Hall Meeting by Rick Bucich of Tiny Prints.

We are not simply complaining about that article. There is a pattern heavily in the New York Times, but also in other major newspapers, of condescending to and insulting mom bloggers. I am here to say that it is time we take a stand against it.

Here are but a few snippets from the latest New York Times article about the Bloggy Bootcamp conference in Baltimore:

ON a brisk Saturday morning this month, a dedicated crew of about 90 women, most in their 30s or thereabouts, arrived at a waterfront hotel here, prepared for a daylong conference that offered to school them in the latest must-have skill set for the minivan crowd.

Teaching your baby to read? Please. How to hide vegetables in your children’s food? Oh, that’s so 2008.

And this is in reference to my friend Tara’s session on SEO (something, incidentally, many companies have budgets for in the thousands annually):

Heed the speaker’s advice, and you, too, might get 28,549 views of your tutu-making tutorial! Whereas so-called mommy blogs were once little more than glorified electronic scrapbooks, a place to share the latest pictures of little Aidan and Ava with Great-Aunt Sylvia in Omaha, they have more recently evolved into a cultural force to be reckoned with.

Why is it so shocking that moms would discuss something besides parenting? How ridiculous. Why was this even in the Style section? If it were a tech conference for men the tone would be entirely different. It would go in business. It would not mention minivans. And I won’t even get into “glorified electronic scrapbooks.” I know many moms who have blogged about topics such as business and social media and politics for years that go well beyond that little dig.

Yes, mom blogging is an industry. It isn’t something cute we adorable widdle mommies do to share diaper stories. Whether we’re making money or not (mostly not), it is an industry. There are plenty of industries in which many workers in it make little or no money, such as writing, fine art and acting.

We get marginalized for a few reasons, including:

• We are women who are, perhaps for one of the first times, far better at something than men in many cases and far better in an industry that is making a major impact. I should explain that I know many, many men who are talented, brilliant bloggers, but that isn’t surprising. For women to stand out in an industry that major corporations are clamoring to get involved with just sits wrong with some people.
• We are excelling in the media landscape, which doesn’t sit well with traditional media.
• We are turning our backs on the mold that has been created for us.
• We are threatening to traditional publishers, mostly old white men who couldn’t write a blog or use Twitter if you put a gun to their heads.
• Newspaper circulation keeps declining, while blog readership and authorship keeps growing.
• Writing snarky articles about mom bloggers encourages mom bloggers to share links and drive readers to the newspaper’s web site. (Here’s a hint, New York Times… we would share positive coverage just as much, if not more).

We are trying to make a living by creating content, and for that we get demeaned, criticized, talked down to, made fun of, and stereotyped as unethical money and swag grabbing whores.

I know of a few other organizations that make their money creating content. Namely, mainstream media.

Mom blogging is a new media revolution.

Many moms blog because we have found the current establishment unacceptable in many cases. How many mom bloggers were once career women? How many have a day job but hope to one day make enough from their blog to leave it? How many found it difficult to balance career and family? How many found it even more difficult to convince their employer to give an inch to make it easier: allow working from home, allow flex time, allow job sharing?

In the midst of this down economy, how many blogging moms kept food on their children’s tables or a roof over their heads?

Mom bias begins in the newsroom.

I left newspapers after 15 years, despite loving my work and being a third-generation journalist raised by two journalists because the field was so family-unfriendly. In fact, another layer of this bias against mom bloggers in media is that the same bias exists in many newsrooms against moms who work there.

Newspapers want employees who place their job above all else in their lives. Moms just won’t do that, and that is a problem. There is this sense that moms, who can’t be on call 24-7 because they have children they need to care for, have it easier than childless reporters. Anyone who thinks being a reporter and a parent is an easily life is a fool.

Women blogging is a revolution, a rejection of the status quo. We have been forced into a box for centuries, and we refuse to accept it. We refuse to be told we have to choose between success and motherhood. We refuse to follow the unbending rules of corporate jobs that in many cases make you prioritize job over family. Most of all, we refuse to accept that mainstream media, with its quality decline and clear bias, should be the only source of information.

It is getting to the point that I am frankly embarrassed for the traditional media. They are making fools of themselves. They are abandoning all of their allegedly dear principles, such as bias, fair reporting and serving readers, in their need to belittle moms and women, in their desperation to remain viable and profitable. They could devote that energy instead to pursuing real journalism, investigative journalism, interacting and hearing their readers, and learning the social media landscape so they could cease the deterioration of their industry.

It amazes me how many commented at Liz’s post that mom bloggers should just be happy to be getting coverage. We don’t need coverage. We are far better masters at building buzz and engaging with readers than newspapers are. Thanks, but no thanks.

When I was a reporter, even covering controversial beats (which is really all I did cover), I always balanced reporting even of cops, courts, politics and business with a mix of positive and negative articles. That, my friends, is lacking bias. You should cover the whole picture, and represent the beat comprehensively.

Liz did a fabulous job of listing the many amazing stories from the mom blogosphere that are being missed, so I won’t try to replicate that. Major newspapers missed the entire story of Jaeli, where mom bloggers joined forces to save the life of a baby. Apparently, that isn’t newsworthy. Most missed the amazing and inspirational story of Anissa Mayhew, a fellow mom blogger whose stroke motivated an entire community of hundreds of bloggers to rally in her support.

If you think this post is about one snarky article, or even just one snarky article by the New York Times, I would like to offer a collective of their so-called fair and balanced reporting of the mom blogosphere. (I use so-called because I find it amusing, considering how many times news articles have referred to us as “so-called mom bloggers,” like it’s some sort of scam).

Here is just a small sampling of mainstream media coverage of mom bloggers. I’ll start with New York Times:

There was Drinking in the Land of Mommy Blogdom (and yes, it’s about what you think it is).

Then there was Approval by a Blogger May Please a Sponsor, which goes so far as to insinuate that moms get kickbacks:

The proliferation of paid sponsorships online has not been without controversy. Some in the online world deride the actions as kickbacks. Others also question the legitimacy of bloggers’ opinions, even when the commercial relationships are clearly outlined to readers.

And the Federal Trade Commission is taking a hard look at such practices and may soon require online media to comply with disclosure rules under its truth-in-advertising guidelines.

A short two months later, the New York Times writes about dad bloggers getting in on this action. You can read the two articles for yourself to compare tones, but this one has but a brief mention of FTC guidelines. Instead, this is mentioned:

Sony emphasizes that the products it is sending daddy bloggers are on loan, not gifts, and bloggers are not being pressured to write positive reviews. “We expect the reviews to be very honest,” said Marcy Cohen, a Sony spokeswoman.

I believe the title of this one speaks for itself: Beauty Blogs Come of Age: Swag Please!

Ah, and he is an oldie but a goodie. Mom’s Mad. And She’s Organized. Noteworthy quote:

A BABY was passed around like the hors d’oeuvres.

Nice. Clearly, this was an article about something cute and trite, right? Not so much. It was about MomsRising, an organization to empower and give political might to moms.

The only nugget of wisdom about moms I found on New York Times has such irony, especially when you consider their coverage of an industry of women bloggers. The Anti-Mommy Bias isn’t specific to mom bloggers (that must be how it slipped past editors), but it sure is enlightening on this topic. Just replace employers with journalists for a snicker.

Employers sometimes assume that women with care responsibilities will be, and should be, less committed to their jobs. Such assumptions and beliefs can influence employment outcomes even when caregivers work just as long and hard as everybody else…

In one experiment, about 200 undergraduates were asked to rate paired applications for an imaginary midlevel managerial job. Both female and male students rated mothers lower on competence and commitment, recommended lower salaries for them, and judged them less worthy of promotion than childless women.

In an even more convincing audit study, fictional résumés and cover letters were sent to employers advertising midlevel marketing and business job openings at a large Northeastern city newspaper. Childless women received 2.1 times as many callbacks as mothers. Fathers, however, were not penalized.

What did I say about bias against moms in the newsroom? Yeah.

To be fair, New York Times is not the only newspaper to show bias against moms who blog. Here is a sampling of some of the oh-so flattering coverage in other major newspapers:

• Paid to Pitch by Wall Street Journal
• Is a Crackdown Looking for Parent Blogs? by Wall Street Journal. Just FYI, WSJ, but the FTC regulations were for bloggers. I’m not sure where parent came from there.
• To Create Buzz, TV Networks Try a Little ‘Blogola’ by Wall Street Journal
• Blogging Moms Wooed by Firms: Food Giants Provide Lavish Goodies, Parents Provide the Buzz. Is it Ethical? by LA Times.

I know this is a long post and I know these are a lot of links. But I have a reason for that. This is not an isolated incident. This isn’t even just one major newspaper. This is a pattern.

I would say that we should boycott newspapers, but are we even reading them? I mean, except when they write this drivel? And we are forced to either ignore it or drive readers their way by criticizing it.

We need to take a stand. So what are we going to do about it?

Edited to add: I think we are all at a loss as to what to do about this. I wrote a letter to the editor of the New York Times, and I highly recommend you also write one. There are instructions here. I would also recommend emailing the Times’ ombudsman at public@nytimes.com. His name is Clark Hoyt, and this is the paper’s description of his role: “The public editor works outside of the reporting and editing structure of the newspaper and receives and answers questions or comments from readers and the public, principally about articles published in the paper.” We may not be a big corporation, but our voices are our might.

Photo of man with newspaper and woman with laptop, © FaceMePLS on Flickr.

You can find out more at Mom Blog SEO.

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I see some companies who standout. They not only respond when directly contacted (@ed on Twitter). They monitor Twitter for mentions of their company, and they respond anytime someone mentions them by name. Beyond all of that, and read this carefully because this is the crucial element, they make things happen and address or fix the issue quickly.

One example was @shoebuy. I had a gift certificate to Shoebuy.com and it was about a week before a conference when I remembered that. I went there to get some shoes, and I saw no option to get them overnighted. I tweeted about it and didn’t even realize they were on Twitter, so I didn’t say with their @ in the tweet. Within seconds, yes seconds, two different Shoebuy employees on Twitter responded that they could overnight certain brands. It wasn’t easy to determine which brands, so they sent me a link to a full list.

Within an hour, I had ordered my shoes and they arrived the next day. Without that Twitter intervention, I would have been annoyed with Shoebuy and I would not have placed the order at all. I also would have likely told people about this bad experience. Now I can rave about the company. (Like now.)

Many times, however, I see companies doing it wrong. This not only means the resources they are putting into Twitter are wasted, but they are probably causing more damage than good.

Here are what I will describe as the five bad customer service types.

The Retro Customer Service Tweeter

I sent @wachovia a DM this morning asking about an issue with my account. Their response was to call their 800 number. Ummm, why are you on Twitter exactly? I get there are privacy issues, but there are ways to share information via DM that would not be a problem.

If we wanted to endure an 800 number, wait on hold, argue and cajole to get a straight answer, get accidentally knocked off the line, call back and start over… well, we aren’t idiots. Anyone who is on Twitter is surely capable of looking up your toll-free number. We are contacting you on Twitter specifically because we want to avoid all of that. Phone customer service sucks 99.99999 percent of the time (yeah, that’s a real statistic). We despise it.

You can get a monkey to DM people 800 numbers, but I would prefer you hire a savvy human who can contact the right people and fix the issue.

The Multiple Personality Customer Service Tweeter

It is perfectly fine (in fact, wonderful) to have several people within the company and/or on behalf of the company on Twitter. In fact, as my example above shows with @shoebuy, it wasn’t even the official account that contacted me. What is not OK is not clearly specifying which Twitter account is the official one, or the one designated to handle customer service complaints.

We get that you can’t have one human monitoring your account 24/7. But there are ways to handle that. Say in your bio or your background who the various people are. If you want to be personal, have them sign their tweets with -firstname or -initials. But just look at @umatter2charter! This is one. hot. mess!

Twice, I have contacted Charter. Twice I’ve gone at least a day or two because I didn’t properly decipher which of their five (yes FIVE) Twitter customer service accounts was on at that moment. Kudos to them for responding when they get it or make sense of it. But having one account with multiple users would be so much clearer.

As it is now, this is reducing their effectiveness and confusing/irritating their customers on Twitter. It’s also clearly slowing their response time. Beyond that, this will be hard for them to reverse if customers are following or accustomed to tweeting one of the five accounts.

The Oblivious Customer Service Tweeter

First, let me say not being on Twitter is a major fail these days. A year ago, it was no big deal. Today, especially for a major corporation, it is glaring. But it’s possible to be on Twitter and be just as distant to the community as one who is missing. Where is Apple? Seriously. And @itunesmusic is the epitome of the blind Twitter account.

Here are some warning signs of an oblivious tweeter:

• They don’t follow anyone. (Here’s a hint: when you do that, no one can DM you. So they can only complain @ you publicly. You know, where everyone sees it. Mmm-hmmm.)
• They don’t reply to anyone.
• They do nothing but self-promote and sell.

The Two-Faced Customer Service Tweeter

Twice, I complained about AT&T on Twitter. OK, way more than twice, but they acknowledged it twice. They replied publicly and in DM. They asked for my email address, and said the matter would be addressed and someone would be in touch. Twice, I never heard a word.

Whether intentional or just a case of it falling through the cracks, this is shady. Publicly, it saves face. The company looks responsive. But believe me, I have since tweeted that this happened. And now I am blogging about it.

If you say you will help, do it. At least try. Believe me, we don’t forget.

The Good News Customer Service Tweeter

This is a variation of the Oblivious Tweeter above, but an equally annoying one. They are more than happy to chit chat, and to retweet when someone raves about their company. They think contests asking people to follow them to enter is engagement. They think churning out coupons is enough.

But if someone complains on Twitter, they disappear. Or DM and want it taken offline. If you are a company on Twitter, you have to take the good and the bad. You have to address the good and the bad. There are positives to even the most negative tweets. Twitter is a great big free focus group. You should listen. The feedback could be valuable.

Plus, back to @shoebuy, they quickly turned a negative into a positive. That is what people tend to remember. If you respond, that is.

What do you think? Do you have an experience with a company on Twitter that did it just right… or just wrong? I’d love to hear about it.

_{Customer service illustration based on photo © Ray Smithers.}

For 2010, I would like to see the hard work start to pay dividends. I would like to focus more on results. I want to see ventures that don’t just have a mission, but accomplish it. I would like to see 2010 be the year (for all of us) of harvesting the ripe results of our efforts.

My 3 Words: Queens, Focus, Freedom

December for me was a forced sabbatical. We traveled to Disney World at the beginning of the month, I was sick for three weeks, and then we lost power at home twice (once for three days, which forced us to travel on snow-covered roads to a hotel just to find heat for our family).

It became an involuntary vacation. It was impossible to be productive, and at best hard to get any work done. In the end, it was a gift. I got a chance, long needed, to step away from the work and reflect. To relax and prioritize. Life is a lot like a neo-impressionist Pointillist painting. If we stand too close, it is nothing but random dots. Step away, and the picture becomes vividly clear.

Queens

For my first word, I confess I am stealing (with slight modification) Chris Brogan’s word of Kings. His words about behaving like a king really connected for me. He described it as the ability “to maintain poise and balance and charm and demeanor when dealing with life’s unpleasant moments.” I think for women it is even more important to behave regally. The level and intensity of mom blogger dramas I witnessed in 2009 is just unacceptable. In 2010, I’d love to see all of us as women rise above.

If not all women (hey, there will always be the fools who perpetrate this low-life behavior), let’s set the bar and hope others follow. I also think it’s important to command respect. We are professionals. Let’s act like it. (And yes, that includes insisting on being paid for time, consulting, marketing and any other work.) Let this be the year that the mainstream media runs out of mom blogger scandals to cover. You can get mad at journalists for ignoring the inspirational stories about the mom blogosphere and focusing on the negative. But the fact of the matter is, they can’t write negative stories if they don’t exist. Don’t create them, and ignore those who do.

Focus

This has always been my challenge. As a journalist, I had a writing coach who suggested coming up with one word that summarizes each news story. It was tremendously helpful, and has stuck with me for years. In fact, I thought of that lesson when I saw Chris Brogan’s list. I am one who tends to think of ten things at once, and operates best with several balls juggling. That is great for productivity, but bad for focus. In 2010, I want to work hard to prioritize and to determine what is worth my time. I did some of this in 2009, leaving About.com after seven years and despite it being a nice stream of income. Sometimes, you have to walk away from things, even important things, to give you time to focus on what’s more important. If it were easy, you would have walked away ages ago.

I am planning to sell some of the social networks that I have fully developed and that have nice Google rankings (PageRank 4 for both), but I don’t have time to grow: Dadosphere (which would be a great buy right now, as I think dad bloggers will be the next in thing) and PictureMyCamera, a social blog/social network for photography enthusiasts). Contact me if you’re interested in buying one, or taking over management for a share of the revenue.

It also means that I will be focusing my services. One issue with being a jane of all trades is that it’s tempting to offer all services. I am going to revamp my hire me page to focus on the things I really enjoy, and which provide a better return on time investment. While I like my SEO Makeover, it is very time-consuming. For things like that, I am looking at developing eBooks or online courses instead. With so many pursuits, some simply need to require less hands-on time. I get a lot of joy from speaking, training and mentoring, so that will be my focus.

Freedom

There’s one thing I learned from my unexpected time off in December. It’s that I don’t want to be tethered to work and social media all hours. Going off the grid is good for us all. Part of the reason I want to focus is to create more time. I spent the last month doing many things just for fun. I rediscovered reading. I can’t tell you the last time I read a fiction book just for the pleasure of it, but in December I read every book by Karen Chance and the entire Twilight series. Yes, those are books with absolutely no purpose whatsoever except entertainment. It was wonderfully indulgent.

I want freedom on a few levels. I want to earn more for less effort to create financial and lifestyle freedom. When I decided to go from seasoned career woman to work-at-home mom, that was my vision. As anyone who works from home knows, it can be dangerous if you are a workaholic. You end up doing nothing but work. I will not spend 2010 with my fingers glued to a keyboard.

I’d love to hear what three words will be yours for 2010. Share in comments or, if you do a post, be sure to share the link in comments. And thanks to Chris Brogan for the inspiration.

_{Image of blogging queen, © Mike Licht of NotionsCapital.com.}

So after a flurry of tweets, publicly and in private direct messages, with them today (before they maturely decided to block me), I realized there is an even bigger issue here. Making a mistake is one thing. Sure, that can be terribly damaging. What is really crucial is how you respond to it.

I have seen companies turn a PR nightmare around to actually create loyal fans. It can be done. People remember the response, when done properly, more than they remember the mistake.

I have also seen companies respond poorly, which has a way of making the situation fester. It becomes like a virus, continuing to spread until it can no longer be controlled. This is how PETA has responded.

They have repeatedly been defensive. They repeatedly say what they did wasn’t spam. They repeatedly say what they did was justified because they had a message to get out. Anytime they apologize, it is followed with a “but.” But we got lots of clicks. But we needed to spread the word. But, but, but…

They repeatedly hurt the exact message they are trying to spread by their response to this controversy.

This is exactly why you must hire someone who gets social media to run your social media. I can’t stress this enough! Just because someone is in marketing does not mean they will “get” Twitter. You need someone who’s been immersed in social media spaces, preferably for years. You need someone who understands the rules of engagement, and even more importantly understands the importance of responding properly and responding immediately.

Twitter, more than probably any other space, can damage a reputation in as little as minutes. Do you want someone who doesn’t get it at your social media front line?

How should they have responded? Simple. They should have admitted their mistake. They should have apologized (minus the buts). They should have promised not to spam anymore.

Instead, they not only claim to be justified, but they moved the spamming to Facebook.

This was done after some moms replied that they didn’t care for the methodology of spamming used on Twitter, and after Allie Sullivan did a blog post about it. A Google search showed that Emily Nash is a youth coordinator for PETA, according to her LinkedIn profile.

And again, when @bostonmamas called them on it, PETA still defended their methods:

I really am trying to help them. I really would like to see them do it right. I love animals. Responding properly now will help them spread their message instead of badly damaging their brand and eclipsing their message. If they are bent on ignoring what several people who do get social media are saying, then I hope this will serve as a case study in what not to do for other non-profits and companies in social media spaces.

I think @technosailor put it best:

I couldn’t have said it better myself.

Now let me be very clear. I am not making any sort of statement about the message itself. I love animals, and I always have.

The message was lost when they decided to use spam tactics to spread it. My Asheville social media friend Allie Sullivan said it very well in her post, PETA Spam Wednesday: What Not to Do. They @ed dozens of moms the same message repeated over and over. That is spam. Period.

Their argument was that the message was important, so that was their excuse for ignoring all sense of etiquette and courteous behavior. I might not have even felt compelled to blog about this, in fact, but it seemed clear that several social media moms telling PETA their behavior wasn’t appropriate was insufficient. Their tweets repeatedly defended their behavior based on the fact they felt their message was important. If that were the case, everyone could use that justification.

Here are the replies when I retweeted Allie’s link to her post about the PETA tweets:

It seemed pretty clear that they felt their tactics were justified. Here are a few more tweets:

But I will argue that is not justified.

Social media spaces like Twitter have a way of being community driven so that what really is important to the community bubbles to the top. Proof of that lies in the #prayersforanissa tweets, and the way Twitter moms saved baby #jaeli.

When you try to manipulate the social network to force people to hear your voice, you are misusing it.

It seems very clear that there was an orchestrated effort to specifically target influential moms on Twitter. But using their tactics backfired. Even if you dismiss all other issues here, if you are trying to get buzz on Twitter you don’t want to do it in a manner that results in a nasty backlash. From exactly the influencers you want on your side. Sure, they got clicks. But they also created just as much negative buzz as positive.

They completely tainted the message by using lowly tactics to push it.

Here is just a sampling of the responses they got from moms targeted. (Just for information, in the middle of this they changed their Twitter name from @officialpeta to @peta so this is the same account. Again, not too wise timing in the middle of all of this.)

This is not the kind of buzz you want about your brand, especially as a non-profit with a cause:

You usually don’t want influential moms hurling f-bombs your way.

And of course, sage advice from Lucretia Pruitt, aka @geekmommy:

Here’s the thing. Either PETA (with thousands of followers, so clearly not a newbie on Twitter) knew what they were doing was spam or they didn’t. If they didn’t, they need to put someone in charge of their Twitter account who knows the rules of engagement or hire a consultant to do it or train that person. I would say they should get it, but even after several moms called them on it, they were defensive.

This is a major social media fail.

It also drives me nuts how many organizations and companies target moms without bothering to hire a mom as a consultant first. JUST DO IT! If you find it’s important enough to be on Twitter, to be engaging moms, then it’s important enough to throw a few bucks at hiring a consultant before you ruin your reputation. And on Twitter, it usually means ruining your reputation to thousands of people in one fell swoop.

They also argued that they normally do engage on Twitter, and this was the exception. But I can tell you they were not even following me when they tweeted me, so they hadn’t been engaging with me. They could have done it better by sending a few non-automated DMs to moms they regularly tweet with, moms they have developed a relationship with. Or do what is standard. Tweet it and ask people to retweet it.

You put it in the public stream. You don’t @ dozens of people the same tweet to force them to read it in their replies tab. That is just obnoxious. As I said, it is a tactic that is commonly used by porn tweeters and get-rich-quick tweeters. And that is yet another reason not to do it. How bad would it have been for PETA if several moms reported their account as spam and it got deleted? Yeah, not good. For PETA or for the elephants they are trying to help.

Have a Base Hourly Rate

This should really be your first step, because this sets a baseline for you to consider when quoting a rate in every other area. Yes, there are times that call for moving the needle up or down. Yes, there are projects that are fun vs. projects that are quite demanding. Having a base rate first, however, will always give you a starting point.

Here are a few questions to ask to come up with this base rate:

• What is your time worth to clients? Consider experience, talent, portfolio of work, testimonials, influence and reach.
• What is your time worth to you? If you are inundated with work, your rate should reflect it. You will need to turn work away, so setting a higher rate will both demonstrate that you are in demand and naturally keep requests for work lower. On the other end, if you have no clients and are actively seeking gigs, a lower rate will encourage more contracts.
• What did you make in the workforce? This can be helpful even if you are doing freelance work in another field. If you felt it was way too low, you can take that into consideration. This was your last salary, and a good barometer of value. You should, however, multiply this amount times two or more to take into account the differences in expenses and benefits between being an employee versus a freelancer.
• How much money do you need? It doesn’t mean you will get it, but consider this when setting your rate. If you need $50 per hour to support your family and still work a reasonable amount of hours, you need to look at whether you can justify that amount. Bottom line, you need to make enough to live off of. And remember when examining this that a much larger chunk of income goes to taxes as a freelancer, not to mention health insurance and other benefits. A good way of calculating this is to figure out how many hours you have available to work. Then figure out how much you need to make per month or year. Divide the amount you need to make by the available hours for that time span.
• What are others offering similar services with similar experience levels charging?

A place to start is Salary.com. Unfortunately, many job titles that would apply to a blogger’s work are not in their database. But poke around and look for a close fit. Here, for example, is what I should make as a web writer:

Again, I would need to adjust that because this is based on salary plus benefits minus extra expenses of being a business person.

Here is what a marketing manager makes closely, probably the closest fit to social media marketing consulting:

To give you an idea of what I am referring to about the difference between employed and self-employed, this is Salary.com’s breakdown of the median salary plus benefits. And this doesn’t take into account the extra expenses of being solo or the extra tax costs:

I would also ask around, or poke around other’s web sites to see what services they offer and what they charge. If someone is a friend, they might consider sharing that information.

My hourly base rate is between $100 and $150 an hour, but it can vary wildly. For example, if you are talking about ad rates, a whole other set of considerations comes into effect: visitors, page views, PageRank, feed subscribers, what is included with the advertising, how targeted or desirable the readership is, and so on. Setting ad rates will be a post for a later date.

If it is something that will intimately connect with your brand (such as being a spokesperson), that has a premium attached to it too because that goes beyond providing advice into sharing a part of who you are.

Setting Rates for Gigs and Projects

This is where things get more complicated. You will need to decide if you always use that rate as a flat rate, or whether it changes depending on the task.

For writing I almost never work on an hourly rate. Almost no publications and sites work that way. It is more typical to have a per word (I typically charge around $1 a word, but I also have 18 years of writing experience) or per project rate. I still take into consideration what my hourly rate is when I set these. I also do a lot of writing for sites with a revenue sharing model because I love getting paid for one article for years and years. That doesn’t even allow for a rate to be set, but you can easily determine after a while that the effort isn’t paying off. It just takes some time to tell.

And when I say writing, I am referring to writing for other sites or publications.

I also once did a per project rate. I still do it on occasion (for example, my SEO Makeover). One reason I do it for that is to make it more attainable to bloggers. I also very clearly bullet out what is included. I have found when I charge per project, some clients require what is planned and expected. Some others will push the envelope, require well above the project’s original plan. Still others simply don’t clearly understand what more they will need.

For that reason, when I quote now I quote an estimate of hours and my hourly rate. It’s somewhat of a hybrid of a project based quote and an hourly quote. It will include a detailed summary of what is included in the rate, as well as a total estimate of the dollar amount. It states how many hours I anticipate the work taking.

I rarely go over that amount, but that is protection in case a client needs much more work done. I don’t agonize over hours or care if I am a little over. If I am getting way over because of multiple revisions, calls, add-ons, I let them know and then it reverts to the hourly rate.

Variables in Setting Freelance Rates

There are so many variables in setting rates that it’s hard to nail them down. So I will talk about some general guidelines. Don’t be afraid to take every gig on a case by case basis, consider your hourly rate, and consider any number of factors for that job before you finalize your rate.

For example, you might consider charging less for a fellow small business person or mom. You might charge more for a task that you are qualified to do, but that is very grueling.

You might charge less for a non-profit. I would say that is always great to do, but also do your homework before you do that. Non-profit does not always equal no money. A great way to research first is to visit GuideStar and examine a non-profit’s IRS 990 form. When you dig down into one, they are required to list all sorts of details about their finances. Find the page with the salaries of their top five employees. If you see six figures there, I would absolutely treat them the same as a company.

So setting a rate obviously isn’t easy. You might find you tweak it or modify it as you go. But I hope this helps give you an idea of how to get started setting a rate.

I would love to hear any suggestions from those of you who have rates set about how you went about it, or any questions from those of you who want to set a freelance rate.

There is also an excellent freelance hourly rate calculator to help you set a rate, or at least see a list of things to consider when calculating it.

_{Photo of money, © Zsuzsanna Kilian}