Jerry Maguire is on TV right now, and I realized what it’s all about is pretty simplified. Are you after coin or “quan,” which Rod Tidwell describes as “love, respect, community and money?” Personally, I think we’re all better served if we strive for quan.

The Positives of Competition

Don’t get me wrong, I can be competitive. There are some great aspects to competition. It drives us to be better. It pushes us to keep improving, to be creative.

Newspapers are a great example of competition, and how it is needed. Ten years ago, most major markets had more than one newspaper. Most newspapers where I worked  as a reporter had at least one other newspaper covering the same area. We were better reporters for it, and served readers better because of it. Today, there are few markets with more than one newspaper, and I think we’ve seen how the quality and the fight to put readers first has suffered.

When you see competition, it’s all in the attitude. Do you see it as a threat? Or do you see it as a chance to collaborate with someone who has a similar audience? Or, better yet, do you see it as a chance to evaluate what you’re doing and find a way to stand out?

You Can’t Really Compete Anyway

There are millions of blogs out there. More importantly, no one visits just one web site. Think of car dealerships. Why do they cluster together, Ford next to Chevy next to Toyota? They are competitors, right? It’s because they know that people are more likely to go to their dealership if they are close to another dealership.

Are you an island, or part of a community?

You will never be the only one in a niche, or the only one writing about a certain topic, the only one pitching a particular company or the only one offering a particular social media service. It’s impossible. So why waste energy worrying about all the others? I believe this is a self-esteem issue. If someone’s lack of self-esteem will push them to bring others down to elevate themselves, then they have issues that go far beyond the success or lack of success of their endeavors.

Yet it taints the whole community.

The Negatives of Competition

The negatives are pretty significant. For those who have a nasty, competitive attitude, I just can’t imagine they are very happy. For those who end up on the butt end of the nastiness, it can be extremely damaging.

As we are trying to gain more respect for blogging and social media, this vile behavior poisons the entire community. It makes us all look bad. When someone attacks another blogger out of spite or jealousy, that is what the mainstream media writes about (as you may have noticed). If we want respect, we need to deserve it.

Here’s a warning, too, for those of you who are attacking those you see as competition. You might get small gains, and you might win brief battles. You won’t build success on it, and you certainly won’t win what you seem to think is a war. This is social media. People talk. We quickly learn who to avoid, and who isn’t supportive. I just say this: I hope you don’t one day need the community’s support.

That Said, Be Respectful

Where is the line between helping and providing trade secrets? It isn’t always clear where that lies. I would say let’s take it upon ourselves to not put people in awkward positions. I am more than happy to help someone spread the word, or offer a few tips. I have seen and heard of many instances, however, where people seek help that goes beyond the bounds of courtesy even within the community.

I don’t profess to know where that magic line is, but I would say that you shouldn’t ask someone to tell you the ins and outs of how they run their blog or their business. If you need to ask to “pick their brain” or ask for what comes down to trade secrets, you’re asking too much. Be respectful. If you don’t know how to do it, take the time to learn and research it. We don’t like it when companies ask to pick our brains for free, so let’s not ask our fellow bloggers to do the same thing for us.

I would also say to try to be as original as it’s possible to be. Copying someone else is not the way to find success or that amazing sense of creating something that is brilliant. The real secret to success is not looking to what exists, but looking to what should exist and doesn’t yet. Yes, people might get too competitive about new blogs or social media services they see that mimics what they are doing. See above for why I think that is unnecessary. But the reality is that if you are being original, you’ll be stepping on no one’s toes to begin with and you won’t trigger the nasty competitiveness in others.

It’s tough to come up with a new idea, but it isn’t hard to come up with a new spin on an old theme at the very least. Be different. Be innovative. Be creative. Be new.

The Pie is Big Enough for Us All

I can’t help but wonder if people are competitive because they believe the rewards are limited, that there is a maximum amount of success available. That simply isn’t true. There is enough pie for all of us to get a piece, and there’s no need for us to guard our piece viciously, growling at anyone who comes near it.

We all have something of value to offer. Figure out what that is for you, and emphasize it. Your competition should be your own goals, your own mission, your own values, and what you hope to accomplish. All you can do is try, work hard, and be the best you can be.

You cannot control what successes others find, and you shouldn’t want to. Be happy when others find success. Sure, you can have that blinking moment of jealousy, but let it roll right over you and smile. Know that if another blogger’s found it, that simply means you can to.

There is no grand prize winner in this contest.

Just Ignore the Haters

I know it’s tough when someone comes after you, your blog or your business. I’ve found the best thing you can do is be above it. Don’t change who you are because of it. Don’t lower yourself to their behavior. In fact, don’t assume that everything you hear is correct. You might be surprised that, if you reach out to the attacker, you might learn there is more to the story than you realized or heard. You might find you both find more success by working together.

Even if that isn’t the case, if we all ignore the attackers and haters, we weaken them even more. Let’s not give them power by engaging them.

This is What It’s Really About: Community

Before I wrote this post, I asked on Twitter and Facebook for some input. The responses I got, and the conversation it sparked (35 comments so far on my Facebook wall, for example), simply goes to further prove my point that community is the core of all of this. Here are some brilliant gems I got from a simple question asking people what they think of this topic. Here are some of the highlights.

From Amy Clark of Mom Advice:

It is so important to build each other up and not tear each other down. I will admit, I have swallowed a little jealousy a time or two. It is sometimes difficult to see others achieve what you have been dreaming of- the invites, the goodies, the money, the page views, the redesigns, the book deals, the news segments, the magazine features, etc. What I do my best to remember is that I can only be the best me that I can be. I will work harder, compliment others more, recommend my friends for jobs, tip my friends when I see a perfect press request for them, share the linky love, and remember that all the good that I can do will come back tenfold. If it happens to me I will do my best to be gracious, focus on the real purpose of the achievement, and do my best to give whatever I can to my readers. For six years it has been working so I will keep with that formula.

From Christine Koh of Boston Mamas:

Kelby, this issue makes me very sad for reasons shared above, e.g., missing the point that social media is about collaboration and community. What also mystifies me is how pointless the behavior is. It’s not as if being nasty and competitive is going to make other bloggers disappear. One might “get ahead” in an instance here or there, but ultimately it will be an ephemeral effect. And of course, given my belief in karma, I’m fairly certain that kind of behavior will circle back and bite the offender on the rump.

From Katja Presnal of Skimbaco Lifestyle:

Can’t wait to read it Kelby. You know I believe in blogging karma, and while I evangelize about the good karma, I do believe there is such a thing as bad blogging karma as well. The essence of social media is to be social, and be part of community – I don’t think there is long term success without helping others. I understand being competitive when there is a competition, but if you are competitive when you are trying to build a community, there is no way you can win, you will lose big time.

From Trisha Haas of MomDot:

I want to help people, be helped, and connect. That’s it. I do not care if someone has a stupid product on their site or if they have 1000 more visitors than I do, or if they got called to be on TV. I am inspired by those things, not threatened. I hope that people don’t look at the few things I would call {personal} success online and breed any jealousy.

From Audrey McClelland of Mom Generations:

I think it’s fairly safe to say a vast majority of us have witnessed this first-hand. It’s sad because the social media space is so vast and wide. There’s no reason not to help others. The only reason people don’t is because they’re threatened. I’ve always believed this philosophy in life… “what goes around, comes around.” … It’s no coincidence that some of the most successful people in this world – both online and off – have been described as some of the nicest and most kind. It’s a shame some people think pushing people will actually get them ahead… it’s a strange concept.

What do you think? Is there a place for competition in social media? What is or isn’t appropriate? Do you avoid people you know have had a nasty competitive attitude with others?

Photo of racers, © Richard McMillan

So after a flurry of tweets, publicly and in private direct messages, with them today (before they maturely decided to block me), I realized there is an even bigger issue here. Making a mistake is one thing. Sure, that can be terribly damaging. What is really crucial is how you respond to it.

I have seen companies turn a PR nightmare around to actually create loyal fans. It can be done. People remember the response, when done properly, more than they remember the mistake.

I have also seen companies respond poorly, which has a way of making the situation fester. It becomes like a virus, continuing to spread until it can no longer be controlled. This is how PETA has responded.

They have repeatedly been defensive. They repeatedly say what they did wasn’t spam. They repeatedly say what they did was justified because they had a message to get out. Anytime they apologize, it is followed with a “but.” But we got lots of clicks. But we needed to spread the word. But, but, but…

They repeatedly hurt the exact message they are trying to spread by their response to this controversy.

This is exactly why you must hire someone who gets social media to run your social media. I can’t stress this enough! Just because someone is in marketing does not mean they will “get” Twitter. You need someone who’s been immersed in social media spaces, preferably for years. You need someone who understands the rules of engagement, and even more importantly understands the importance of responding properly and responding immediately.

Twitter, more than probably any other space, can damage a reputation in as little as minutes. Do you want someone who doesn’t get it at your social media front line?

How should they have responded? Simple. They should have admitted their mistake. They should have apologized (minus the buts). They should have promised not to spam anymore.

Instead, they not only claim to be justified, but they moved the spamming to Facebook.

This was done after some moms replied that they didn’t care for the methodology of spamming used on Twitter, and after Allie Sullivan did a blog post about it. A Google search showed that Emily Nash is a youth coordinator for PETA, according to her LinkedIn profile.

And again, when @bostonmamas called them on it, PETA still defended their methods:

I really am trying to help them. I really would like to see them do it right. I love animals. Responding properly now will help them spread their message instead of badly damaging their brand and eclipsing their message. If they are bent on ignoring what several people who do get social media are saying, then I hope this will serve as a case study in what not to do for other non-profits and companies in social media spaces.

I think @technosailor put it best:

I couldn’t have said it better myself.

Now let me be very clear. I am not making any sort of statement about the message itself. I love animals, and I always have.

The message was lost when they decided to use spam tactics to spread it. My Asheville social media friend Allie Sullivan said it very well in her post, PETA Spam Wednesday: What Not to Do. They @ed dozens of moms the same message repeated over and over. That is spam. Period.

Their argument was that the message was important, so that was their excuse for ignoring all sense of etiquette and courteous behavior. I might not have even felt compelled to blog about this, in fact, but it seemed clear that several social media moms telling PETA their behavior wasn’t appropriate was insufficient. Their tweets repeatedly defended their behavior based on the fact they felt their message was important. If that were the case, everyone could use that justification.

Here are the replies when I retweeted Allie’s link to her post about the PETA tweets:

It seemed pretty clear that they felt their tactics were justified. Here are a few more tweets:

But I will argue that is not justified.

Social media spaces like Twitter have a way of being community driven so that what really is important to the community bubbles to the top. Proof of that lies in the #prayersforanissa tweets, and the way Twitter moms saved baby #jaeli.

When you try to manipulate the social network to force people to hear your voice, you are misusing it.

It seems very clear that there was an orchestrated effort to specifically target influential moms on Twitter. But using their tactics backfired. Even if you dismiss all other issues here, if you are trying to get buzz on Twitter you don’t want to do it in a manner that results in a nasty backlash. From exactly the influencers you want on your side. Sure, they got clicks. But they also created just as much negative buzz as positive.

They completely tainted the message by using lowly tactics to push it.

Here is just a sampling of the responses they got from moms targeted. (Just for information, in the middle of this they changed their Twitter name from @officialpeta to @peta so this is the same account. Again, not too wise timing in the middle of all of this.)

This is not the kind of buzz you want about your brand, especially as a non-profit with a cause:

You usually don’t want influential moms hurling f-bombs your way.

And of course, sage advice from Lucretia Pruitt, aka @geekmommy:

Here’s the thing. Either PETA (with thousands of followers, so clearly not a newbie on Twitter) knew what they were doing was spam or they didn’t. If they didn’t, they need to put someone in charge of their Twitter account who knows the rules of engagement or hire a consultant to do it or train that person. I would say they should get it, but even after several moms called them on it, they were defensive.

This is a major social media fail.

It also drives me nuts how many organizations and companies target moms without bothering to hire a mom as a consultant first. JUST DO IT! If you find it’s important enough to be on Twitter, to be engaging moms, then it’s important enough to throw a few bucks at hiring a consultant before you ruin your reputation. And on Twitter, it usually means ruining your reputation to thousands of people in one fell swoop.

They also argued that they normally do engage on Twitter, and this was the exception. But I can tell you they were not even following me when they tweeted me, so they hadn’t been engaging with me. They could have done it better by sending a few non-automated DMs to moms they regularly tweet with, moms they have developed a relationship with. Or do what is standard. Tweet it and ask people to retweet it.

You put it in the public stream. You don’t @ dozens of people the same tweet to force them to read it in their replies tab. That is just obnoxious. As I said, it is a tactic that is commonly used by porn tweeters and get-rich-quick tweeters. And that is yet another reason not to do it. How bad would it have been for PETA if several moms reported their account as spam and it got deleted? Yeah, not good. For PETA or for the elephants they are trying to help.

Here is part one:

Here is part two:

And I did a Whrrl story on my experience:

Here are some of the details:

WAH Marketing Bootcamp
Thursday, May 28, 2009
1:00 p.m. – 2:30 p.m., Eastern Time/
10:00 a.m. – 11:30 a.m. Pacific Time
One low cost: $97

Register Now!

Here’s what you’ll learn at the WAH Marketing Bootcamp:

• What brand questions you should answer when you are developing your content and communities.
• How to build social capital to turn your social media relationships into business successes.
• Tested and successful techniques to bring attention to your brand on Twitter Who needs a Facebook page, and who shouldn’t bother?
• How to use Linkedin for more than just job hunting as a powerful B2B development tool.

Work at Home Marketing Bootcamp Ning
This session is jam packed with techniques, ideas and resources you can start using immediately to bring attention to your brand and find paying customers. But the learning doesn’t end when the webinar is over. You’ll also get:

• Membership in a private WAH on-line community filled with other people who attended the seminar.
• Networking with other WAH professionals and find out what has and hasn’t worked for them.
• We’ll also be posting news and links on social media developments that happen after the seminar is over. So you don’t have to spend your time scouring the internet for the latest social media developments.
• Access to tons of resources including the webinar recording, copies of all slides and a link directory of all of the web resources mentioned in the presentation.

We’ve designed this session with the stay-at-home mom or dad in mind.

• It’s scheduled during the school day and for many during nap time! (After all, we have kids to take care of too!)
• It’s short — only 1 1/2 hours of your precious time. It’s affordable. Only $97. And we don’t have a hidden expensive product we are hoping to up-sell you later.
• On-going networking from other WAH entrepreneurs just like you on a website that’s available 24/7, when you are able to get on-line.

Early registration bonus –

Register early by midnight Pacific Time on May 21 and you’ll get FREE access to a live follow-up chat with Kelby and Peggy to answer your question that come up after you’ve begun practicing your new skills. Why wait? Summer vacation is just around the corner and WAH Moms and Dads need every trick in the book to stay on top of a busy summer schedule AND grow their businesses at the same time. With the WAH Bootcamp, you’ll get a head start on taking your business to the next level. Register Today!