Kelby Carr

It is amazing, in fact astounding, just how intensely painful it is to lose a pet. Today, I stroked the fur of my sweet cat Claudia while her veterinarian euthanized her. This was easily one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. I’m pretty much an ice queen when it comes to emotions, but I’ve been crying off and on all day. I think there’s just something so intimate and raw about the simple love between a human and a pet. It’s not an easy thing to shake.

A decade ago, when my husband and I first started dating, we decided to get out first pet together. I brought a dog and cat into the relationship already. That’s when we met Claudia, who was just a tiny kitten. She had a hard story. She and her litter mates were found abandoned in a Dumpster. If someone hadn’t overheard their mews for help, she wouldn’t have lived 10 weeks much less 10 years.

Claudia was always a bit of a non-cat. When someone knocked on the door, my other cat would flee for cover while Claudia would sprint FOR the door to eagerly and happily greet whatever stranger was on the other side.

She was a cat who actually loved kids, even the small toddler types who grab tails and smack heads. In fact, even yesterday when she was struggling to breathe and lethargic, she went to the kids’ play area. She chose to spend the day before she died surrounded by screaming 2-year-olds and a raucous 5-year-old.

The twins were there when Claudia was put to sleep. I think they knew something was wrong. My son kept saying, “Claw claw.” He calls her that so much that the whole family actually calls Claudia the same thing just because we’ve heard it so much. We told them both to say bye-bye to Claudia when she was put to sleep. My son told Claudia, softly, “night-night,” as we walked away.

My oldest child, my 5-year-old daughter, was the one I was most concerned about. She wasn’t there to say goodbye. She was always very close, even when she was a tiny baby. In fact, her first word was, “Kitty,” and she said it calling Claudia, who used to fawn all over her as a baby.

We picked up my daughter at daycare. She asked if Claudia was still in the car (as she was when we dropped her off, because we were headed to the vet’s office). I said no. I asked my husband if I should tell her now. We decided to get it done with.

I looked to the back of the minivan.

Me: “The doctor said Claudia was very, very, very sick.” In my mind, I knew I needed to say more. But I couldn’t. I just stared at her.

Daughter: She frowns deeply, and just stares back at me while she digests the idea. “Is she coming home when she’s better?”

Me: “No, honey. She’s gone.”

Daughter: “You mean she’s gone forever?”

Me: “Yes. I’m so sorry.”

Daughter: Her face crumbles. “But she’s my favorite kitty.”

Oh, it was just awful. Luckily, just like a kid, she was off on another subject a moment later. But it was still just so sad.

It’s also crossed my mind many times today how our life’s experiences of the past shape how we cope today. When I was just maybe 2 or 3 years old, our cat died. I was very young, but I distinctly remember the conversation with my parents. They told me she went to Heaven. So I asked where this alleged Heaven was, and when we could go visit her there. I couldn’t help thinking about this when deciding how to tell me children their cat was dead.

About a decade ago, a few months before adopting Claudia, I went through almost the exact same experience with my cat who was just 4 at the time. It was just awful, starting with the same symptom (rapid, labored breathing) and ending with most of his organs shutting down, an all-nighter wondering if he would make it, and a $1,000-plus vet bill.

I remember afterwards feeling that people just didn’t understand the difficulty of a pet’s death. It’s like people think, “Why are you so upset? It’s just a cat.” If only it were so simple, or easy. Afterwards, I regretted putting him through so many painful procedures and drawing the whole thing out. It was something in the back of my mind when my husband and I decided to euthanize Claudia, as the doctor felt she had a tumor and there was very little chance she would make it. I didn’t want her to suffer.

Many, many years ago as a gritty cops reporter, I witnessed an inmate’s execution by lethal injection. Today, it was just disturbing how much the process of euthanasia reminded me of that memory.

Honestly, I am not entirely sure why I’m writing this post. Maybe it’s to honor Claudia, or maybe it’s to help me cope with this urge to tear up every time I picture Claudia in my mind. I would like to think it’s a way to help or connect with those who have lost a pet, or will lose a pet.

Did you lose a pet? Feel free to add your pet’s obituary in a comment below. Or I hope in some small way this post helps you understand that it is OK to feel devastated, even if it’s “just a pet.” Because pets are, truly, so much more, and their death is no easy thing to endure.

Claudia update:

Thanks everyone for such kind comments. It really makes it all much easier to know I’m not the only one who got so upset about the death of a pet.

Also, and I find this a bit demented, but here’s a sign of a family of writers. My dad learned about the death of Claudia in his email inbox… when he got the daily feed email from my blog. So then wrote a poem, which he emailed me. This must be a case of modern technology and the interesting ways in which writers cope with bad news. Anyway, here is his very nice ode to Claudia:

Claudia, oh Claudia, what a character you were

You could prance, and prowl and purr

You walked and skipped with a happy face

Needing to keep your keeper in pace

You shunned being apart

Preferring to be in at the start

Which is why you were a marvelous pet

One of the best I’ve seen yet

I also got some amazing and sweet condolences on Twitter.

I posted this:

	typeamom anyone have tips on explaining cat’s death to a 5-year-old and two 2-year-olds? or to a 30-something mom (aka me)? :*( 02:01 PM May 21, 2008 from web

I’m just in awe of the way the simple Twitter interface connects one person sitting on a laptop with so many others. Here are the nice comments, and it’s amazing just how much people can say in 140 characters. For those of you who are/have dealt with the death of a pet and explaining it to a child, there are some great book recommendations:

	FabGirl @ typeamom Awww, saw this earlier and it made me so sad. We lost our PepperCat a few years ago. ON the weekend of my girls’ night out. 09:36 PM May 21, 2008 from web in reply to typeamom
	FoodieTot @ typeamom sorry no advice, just sympathy and best wishes. 02:19 PM May 21, 2008 from TwitterFox in reply to typeamom
	christinalemmey @ typeamom So sorry about your cat! We had a similar experience in March and the Rainbow Bridge poem is great but had me in tears 02:55 PM May 21, 2008 from web in reply to typeamom
	followthatdog @ typeamom there is a Mr. Rogers book called something like “When a pet dies” that we used for our son when our dog died. Very direct & kind 11:41 AM May 21, 2008 from web in reply to typeamom
	summerm @ typeamom Oh how sad. I hope they take their cat’s death OK. 01:32 PM May 21, 2008 from twhirl in reply to typeamom
	ParentopiaDevra @ typeamom Great book on death for kids “Fall of Freddy the leaf” and “Dinosaurs Die” also “10th best thing about barney” good for all ages! 02:18 PM May 21, 2008 from web in reply to typeamom
	busymom6 @ typeamom sorry about your cat, great book called Cat Heaven 01:17 PM May 21, 2008 from web in reply to typeamom
	mpelzsherman @ typeamom I mean, who better to trust with this stuff than Mr. Rogers? 01:08 PM May 21, 2008 from twitterrific in reply to typeamom
	chillnc @ typeamom I’m so sorry to hear that 02:07 PM May 21, 2008 from twhirl in reply to typeamom
	mpelzsherman @ typeamom ouch! that’s a tough one. I’d suggest this book: http://tinyurl.com/y7p3d7 01:07 PM May 21, 2008 from twitterrific in reply to typeamom
	vmarinelli @ typeamom No helpful tips here. Just, I’m so sorry. That can be such a heartbreaker all around. 01:06 PM May 21, 2008 from txt in reply to typeamom
	Owlbert @ typeamom Lots of empathy. Tell them about the Rainbow Bridge - http://www.rainbowbridge.org/ 02:06 PM May 21, 2008 from twhirl in reply to typeamom
	Treece @ typeamom http://www.petloss.com/poem… The Rainbow Bridge always helps me. 01:05 PM May 21, 2008 from web in reply to typeamom
	dawniemom @ typeamom Awww that really sucks. so sorry. I explained it that the kitty had gone to kitty heaven LOL Probably doesn’t help. 02:03 PM May 21, 2008 from web in reply to typeamom

Related posts

• Why Moms Love Twitter (9)
• Twitter Blog Mention of Me (2)
• The Presidential Election on Twitter (3)
• Social Networks Aren’t So Easy to Ignore (0)
• Social Networking is Personal (1)

Subscribe in a reader

• Leave a comment... (10)

There is a story that the mainstream news media is missing, and it’s this fascinating, engaging and sometimes animated (translation: nasty) election conversation happening on Twitter.

I just voted today in the North Carolina primary, and right now I am doing double duty at midnight posting on Twitter and watching CNN. In one evening on Twitter, I’ve seen heated debates, jabs at Hillary Clinton, cheers for Barack Obama, and seen national newscasters be the butt of jokes.

In fact, Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama are both on Twitter, as well as any assorted number of Twitter accounts with a candidate’s name in them. Obama has an amazing number of followers (almost 30,000, reputed to be the most followed member on Twitter).

So you can follow the campaign in the papers, or you can follow this cool online conversation about the campaign. It’s pretty telling.

Related posts

• Why Moms Love Twitter (9)
• Twitter Blog Mention of Me (2)
• Social Networks Aren’t So Easy to Ignore (0)
• Social Networking is Personal (1)
• Social Networking Burn-Out (1)

Subscribe in a reader

• Leave a comment... (3)

My latest obsession is a social network I’m embarrassed to say I just discovered maybe a week ago. So far, however, I have been quite impressed. The main reason is that this social network, like Twitter, is one that’s rockin’ cool for moms to connect. Cre8Buzz Beta has a category for each member, and Moms is one of them. How much easier could that be to find moms?

That’s part one what makes it stand out. When I waxed philosophical on the fate of social networks earlier, I mentioned that people will likely settle into their favorites, into the networks that best fit their lifestyle and their clique.

I love that I can find people in all my special little niches with just a couple clicks on Cre8Buzz… there’s a section for dads, writers, travelers, foodies. Some aren’t as populated with members, but the Mom one is definitely hopping (there are 500-plus moms on Crea8Buzz.

And here is the stand out part two: it is so easy and simple to promote yourself. So many social networks just don’t totally get it. They might make it possible for people to promote themselves, but it isn’t always easy. For a blogger, you can easily add all of your blogs which are enticing little screenshots. Not only that, but people vote on how cool your blogs are, so they can get increasing exposure as people rate them highly.

Which brings me to stand out aspect number three. The community sets the level of coolness of its members and the things they promote. I’m sure that means there can be abuse, but it also means cream can rise to the top. The mom bloggers in the top 10, for instance, are pretty amazing bloggers. People can rank blogs, pictures in your profile, videos in your profile, your blog posts at Crea8Buzz, and even you.

Here’s the other cool thing. When I joined, my ranking was something rather embarrassing. I think it was close to 400. And a week or so later, my ranking is 13 in the Moms section! That really speaks more to how many moms I already know were on there than anything else. But it sure drives me to visit the site again and again. I’d almost describe it as a little too addictive.

Are you on Cre8Buzz? Check out my profile and say hello!

Related posts

• Why Moms Love Twitter (9)
• Twitter Blog Mention of Me (2)
• The Presidential Election on Twitter (3)
• Social Networks Aren’t So Easy to Ignore (0)
• Social Networking is Personal (1)

Subscribe in a reader

• Leave a comment... (2)

If you haven’t already discovered Alltop, you should check it out. When I first heard about Alltop, and all the buzz, I honestly figured it was just because web guru mastermind super rockstar uber-tweeter and general Geek Overlord Guy Kawasaki was involved. My first visit to the site, I thought it was just a page full of feeds. Uhh, yawn.

But here’s the creepy-weird thing that started happening. My Type-A Mom site was added to the Alltop Moms page, so I would pop in from time to time to see what’s happening. My About France Travel and Suite101 Family Adventures feeds were added onto the Alltop Travel page.

This was all evidence of just how accessible Guy is. I simply harassed him on Twitter or emailed him (after his open invitation for people to contact him to suggest sites).

Next thing I knew, I wasn’t even looking to see if my feed was there. I was hitting Alltop each morning to see what was happening in my pet topics like Moms, Dads, Travel, Social Media, SEO, etc. I started neglecting my hand-picked Bloglines feeds.

Then I realized what had happened. Alltop had become my 2.0 version of the daily newspaper (and I’ll get into why I ditched reading a daily print newspaper every morning in a future post).

I’m also not at all surprised that (I believe) Alltop just got its first Google PageRank, and it’s a 6.

In its simplicity — create pages that feature all the top feeds in particular categories — it has become indispensable. Genius. I can glance at the Moms page and, in a matter of a minute, have a broad feel for what’s happening with mommy bloggers.

Have you used Alltop? What are you thoughts? Do you find it useful, useless or just totally addictive?

Related posts

• Why Moms Love Twitter (9)
• Twitter Blog Mention of Me (2)
• The Presidential Election on Twitter (3)
• Social Networks Aren’t So Easy to Ignore (0)
• Social Networking is Personal (1)

Subscribe in a reader

• Leave a comment... (2)

Social networking is personal. This should be obvious, correct? Well, that doesn’t mean everyone gets it. There are plenty of companies trying to figure out how on earth to connect with all us cool social networking people. We’re the online version of the in crowd back in school. (Of course, in real life, well not necessarily! heheh).

And then there are companies and corporations. They so want to hang with us (especially we mommy bloggers who, they’ve suddenly noticed, spend a shitload of money to feed and entertain ourselves and our spoiled children, and we influence other moms who spend a shitload of money). They so want to be our friends.

But we don’t want to be their friends. For one thing, they are too obvious. They scream, “Be my friend!!!! Please!” Or, translated, “Buy my crap! Please!” They’re just, well, I have to say it. They’re just annoying.

And here’s the funniest thing. They do all this, but they don’t want to get too personal. Oh, no. That makes them very uncomfortable.

So they do things like have profiles that have no face, just a logo. Or they have social web accounts that are named for the company, and not a person. They join social bookmarking sites, and then just submit their own site. What a spaz!

And it’s understandable. For decades, maybe centuries, the concept that is normally accepted is that business and personal are separate. We’re programmed with that.

Those days are over. It’s all mingled together, and it overlaps. If you want business, you’d better get personal.

I can’t be friends with a company. Sorry. I can be friends with someone who WORKS FOR a company. I was pretty impressed when I spotted a couple of Graco company bloggers on Twitter. You can follow Lindsay Lebresco and Melissa Parlaman. Initially, when I saw they were official Graco bloggers, I actually cringed.

But then I visited the Graco Baby Blog. Wow, do they get it. I mean, wow. Go visit that blog. Yes, it is a corporate blog, but it could easily be a multi-author parenting blog. The moms and dads here talk about real life, including an incredibly moving recent post about a Graco employee’s wife giving birth to a NICU baby:

I wanted to share a story about my youngest daughter, Mia Erin Langmaid. I am the development manager for US new car seats at Graco Children’s Products, and I’ve worked with infant car seats and premature babies on and off for the last 3 ½ years. I would never in a million years have thought that my wife and I would have a premature baby. Especially since our two older children, Alex (6) and Kylie (4) were both full term, healthy babies.

Corporations? You listening? This is how you engage your customers. The blog still ties into the product, but not in that annoying in-your-face, TV commercial translated into social networking kind of way. This way is more subtle, but just as effective if not more so.

This is how you use social networking. Get personal.

Related posts

• Why Moms Love Twitter (9)
• Twitter Blog Mention of Me (2)
• Social Networks Aren’t So Easy to Ignore (0)
• Social Networking Burn-Out (1)
• The Presidential Election on Twitter (3)

Subscribe in a reader

• Leave a comment... (1)

OK, maybe this is just kind of weird. I blog about Twitter, and now Twitter blogged about me blogging about Twitter. Umm, thanks Twitter. I’m not sure I’m entirely ready for this kind of relationship. It’s not you. You’re great! It’s me.

Seriously, though, I love that Twitter sees that moms are such a force on Twitter (and I totally adore any link love from such a major blog, with a PR7 no less!). We are a force. We are taking over the world. We’re just starting at the Twitter level. Baby steps for moms, 140 characters at a time.

Watch out world!

Related posts

• Why Moms Love Twitter (9)
• Social Networks Aren’t So Easy to Ignore (0)
• Social Networking is Personal (1)
• Social Networking Burn-Out (1)
• Welcome to Kelby Carr’s Blog (0)

Subscribe in a reader

• Leave a comment... (2)

I’ve been social networking for a while, and I think Twitter has nailed the mom demographic. I see moms on there left and right, and there is a wonderful mom conversation happening at Twitter. If you haven’t been listening, check out this ab-fab Ultimate List of Moms on Twitter. (And thanks so much eMom… you rock for taking the time to create this list.)

I’ve stumbled (which, for the record, I still totally love), sphunn (is that a word?), dugg, spaced, facebooked, you name it. I netscaped until it propellered. I have a secondlife (but do I even have a life?). I babblzed until it fizzled.

Some are more enjoyable than others, and some are better for networking than others. Some will bring a torrent of traffic that, I suspect, never returned. Some boosted a site’s PageRank, odds are likely. Some connected me with old and new friends.

MySpace is too filled with spam, pre-pubescents and glittering graphics for my taste. Honestly, I know Facebook is supposed to be so hot, but I just can’t get into it. You know why? I don’t have the time to delve into it. And I don’t really WANT graffiti.

But then I discovered Twitter. Oh, to Twitter. My day consists of not a single stretch to focus on one thing for more than, oh, a millisecond. Then there’s a whine, cry, dog who needs to piss, kid who wants to be fed, blog I need to write, web article that needs editing… Like every mom, this list is endless.

Twitter’s genius lies in the beauty of 140 characters. It lies in the ability to send without even opening a new browser window, without even needing a computer.

I don’t have time for much, but I have time to Tweet. That I can do. Microblogging is social networking for time-deprived, short-attention spanned mom.

Beyond that, it’s also appealing to a mom. It’s more intimate and personal. You see a page full of faces, you see what they’re saying. It’s a real conversation. It’s also very effective. When I see a link posted by one of these moms, women I’ve never met or said more than 140 characters at a time to, I click it.

I can talk to the momosphere, and I can do it quickly. Better yet, I can listen to the momosphere. Very cool.

What do you think? Why do you Twitter (or not)? And hey, don’t forget to follow me on Twitter.

Related posts

• Twitter Blog Mention of Me (2)
• Social Networks Aren’t So Easy to Ignore (0)
• Social Networking is Personal (1)
• Social Networking Burn-Out (1)
• Cre8Buzz Beta - a Social Network for Moms (and Any Other Niche) (2)

Subscribe in a reader

• Leave a comment... (9)

Wow, I didn’t expect evidence one day later after I argued social networks are here to stay despite some burn-out. I had cited gapingvoid’s decision to ditch Twitter because it was too time consuming. Well, he’s back on Twitter already. I decided I just had to follow.

Why is he back? His reason:

Too many people I do business with are also on Twitter. Being off it was impossible. My bad.

So this just shows how integral social networking has become. Even if it levels off a little, it is here to stay. This is how many of us communicate now.

Related posts

• Social Networking Burn-Out (1)
• Why Moms Love Twitter (9)
• Twitter Blog Mention of Me (2)
• Social Networking is Personal (1)
• My Web Services (3)

Subscribe in a reader

• Leave a comment... (0)

I’m seeing a pretty sudden and pretty prominent trend in social networking: social networking burn-out. As great as Web 2.0 is, it isn’t that surprising that people are burning out on it. There was a ton of attention when gapingvoid posted a funny cartoon about time being consumed tweeting in the post, “ Why I Deleted my Twitter Account.”

Here’s why:

• Something new happens. Everyone thinks it’s cool. Reports say you simply MUST be doing it. So people and companies and organizations jump on board.
• Then they realize something: you need to actually socialize to do social networking. So it’s manpower intensive if you’re an organization, and it’s a time-sucker if you’re a human.
• People want to be cool online, and they think they can do that by being friends with everyone. But it’s hard to be in EVERY clique. That’s why cliques exist. So you can focus.
• They try to connect on several levels and several locations, and just can’t stand to spend another minute socializing.

So here’s what I expect to happen next. Companies who were nervous about dabbling in this realm to begin with will see this emerging trend as a sign they were right all along, and this whole social web/ Web 2.0 thing was just a passing fad.

They will be wrong.

What will happen is that social networking will settle in. People will find their social niches and favorite sites, and they will ignore the other “cliques.”

Then some of the big guys will level off on traffic, slow down or be bought out by other sites. The smaller, niche social networks will become even more popular.

People will keep socializing because that’s how the web has evolved. How and where they will socialize is what will change.

Related posts

• Social Networks Aren’t So Easy to Ignore (0)
• Why Moms Love Twitter (9)
• Twitter Blog Mention of Me (2)
• Social Networking is Personal (1)
• My Web Services (3)

Subscribe in a reader

• Leave a comment... (1)